I thought I was heterosexual for years, but I just didn’t like sex, as I didn’t associate sex with love, but loved to kiss. But when I realised I could no longer have sex, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it ever again, and I nearly wet myself because I was fearful of dating sexuals because of the expectation of sex at the end of the date, I knew something had to be done about it, because I felt I was the only one in the entire world, planet and universe that felt this. So I went to see a counsellor. But… it didn’t go well at all. She said the worse thing in the world, that I really didn’t want to hear. And that was if I wanted a relationship, I must have sex in order to keep a good guy. Something seemed very flawed about this perspective. If the guy was a good guy, why would he want me to do things that were not good for me, as part of a relationship with me! To me that made no sense. It was like giving a license for rape to happen, disguised as what a ‘good guy’ would be allowed to do, in order for me to keep him! This defied all my reasonable ‘healthy-for-me’ logic! So I went home and Google “I love kissing and not sex” and that is when I came across Asexuality.org and realised there were others like me who didn’t like sex, and who didn’t need it in a romantic relationship to be happy. And that’s when I discovered I am indeed a heteroromantic asexual, not heterosexual.
That was in 2014, when I first discovered I am Asexual. Back then, I couldn’t talk about sex publicly or about my past sexual relationships publicly. I had almost given up completely on the idea of having a relationship and dating ever again. And my past relationships weren’t great, but the opposite.
In October 2015, for Asexual Awareness Week, I decided to get out of my comfort zone, open up about past sexual relationships, and announce to the world, that I am in fact, a heteroromantic asexual! On my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel. It took me awhile to get used to speaking openly on my channel, but when I received comments from viewers, that they found my videos helpful and they were glad they found my channel, it made me happy to continue to create and upload videos and I decided to not copy other asexuality channels, just to become popular, but to share my own asexual life journey in order to help others, to empower asexuals to be comfortable and confident with their own Asexuality, and to educate others! Little did I know back then, how this channel would grow into the unique Asexualise My Asexual Life, Asexuality late night chat show it is today!
In 2017, I published my first ever book for Asexuals, called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Diversity, under my own publishing imprint of Quirky Books. Little did I know at the time, just how popular this book would be and continues to be, to this day. Helping asexuals, those who lack sexual attraction, and who are a recorded 1% of the population, to know there are others like them in the world, who don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse, and to know it’s okay, you are not alone and that sex does not equal love, and it is possible to live, love, and be happy, without sex forever, in a loving, happy, and healthy relationship, be it romantic or platonic, or if you don’t ever want to be ‘in a relationship’ it’s okay! (I am currently working on my second book for asexuals which will be published in 2020, with 4 more books planned for asexuals. Each book focuses on different topics, within the asexual spectrum!) So if you are a writer who is struggling at the moment, know you won’t be rich overnight, you might not be rich in money terms, for a very long time, but you will be one of the wealthiest people in that world, because you can really change lives with your written words, and that is why you should be a writer and Author of books, because you love writing so much and you want too change lives for the better forever. I regularly get people private messaging me about how this book has literally change their life, for the better, forever. And also, how much my videos on www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife have really helped them, especially when they first discovered they are asexual. I get people who are not asexual watching my channel, but the respective fact I am, subscribing to it, and becoming one of my most loyal viewers. I know I can help those people too and you.
In July 2018, I wanted to do something special for Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month, so I started to live stream on my channel, every day, for 31 days. But when the 31 days was over! I got the bug for live streaming. I realised how many more asexuals I could help, rather than in private message one-on-one, if I just let anyone and everyone ask me questions directly in the live stream chat. I could offer something unique, that no other asexuality channel was offering. A way to get instant answers about asexuality, about my own life experiences, and to help other asexuals to overcome depression, like I had done in 2012; lower their anxiety, and get a better mindset and a better quality of life! Fast forward to today, and I am still live streaming daily, but now it’s evolved into being an online daily late night chat show which at its heart, is a Personal Development and Personal Growth channel for Asexuals, and the world’s first of its kind. Specialising in, Asexuality/Surviving and thriving as an asexual in this highly sexualised world, Dating/Relationships, Spirituality/Mindset, Personal Growth/Self-Love. I also do ‘no sex’ movie reviews. These days, it’s not uncommon for many (not all), of my streams to last over an hour, sometimes two, and the odd occasion has even been over 3 hours long. All of that time has been spent helping asexuals for free, and non-asexuals who also form part of my regular viewership. So on average 7-14 hours a week! My live streams most often start after 11pm UK time.
I have been learning about personal and professional development since 2012. I have also been heavily involved in the Asexual relationships and dating scene, with being on Asexual dating sites since 2014, running 3 Asexual dating Facebook groups, and learning a lot more about healthy dating and relationships dynamics since studying a pattern changing course in 2013, and subsequently learning much more in the last couple of years. I am keen to help as many asexuals as possible to develop long-lasting healthy friendships and relationships, with life, with love, with others, and with yourself. To help grow you as an individual and realise your true potential and beauty, in your own uniqueness.
I would love you to join my channel community, if you think this is something you could benefit from, please subscribe at www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife , and hit the bell icon so you get notified whenever I go live, which is usually each and every day, unless for some reason I am staying away from home and have no access to live streaming, such as over Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year’s.
If you are a writer, never, ever give up! Don’t wait for a publisher to publish you. Believe in your own work of genius enough to take that leap of faith and self-publish! My Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook is also changing lives. One of my best asexual friends is no longer depressed since reading that book, and has been depressed for years before I met them. They were trying to help themselves a lot and get better, and they were making some progress, but nothing seemed to actually stick enough to make a long-lasting change which they so badly needed, but since reading this book, their life has now completely changed, and they are doing things they never thought was possible before, and I am so very proud of them! A how-to, self-help book, is no good, without implementation! He doesn’t have fibromyalgia, but does have another pain condition, and understood that the techniques I explain in this book, about how to have less pain, more energy and be happier, and how to overcome depression and reduce anxiety, can easily be transferred and applied to any circumstances, regardless of it you have fibromyalgia or not! So yes, if you are reading this blog post now, and you want to be happier in your life, have less pain (especially mental pain), and more energy, I absolutely believe you can also benefit from this book too. The new year, 2020, is coming, so with this book, you can have the new upgraded version of you going into 2020, check it out here https://amzn.to/2MBZA1U and take that leap of faith! You won’t be disappointed! You’ll also get to read my own personal real life ACE Fibro Girl story! So if you enjoy reading autobiographical books, you will love this book also!
Here I am as ACE Fibro Girl! Keep writing and stay quirky always, Sandra xx