I love this video about 7 Lessons writers can learn from Harry Potter! (It does contain spoilers.)
The lesson I related to the most, was very relatable to my own life, not just writing, which was:
“Even if you have two characters that seem fundamentally different, you can find a commonality between them that creates a point of human connection.”
I think this is so very true of asexuals. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction and I am hetero-asexual, not heterosexual. Meaning I am attracted to guys romantically – not sexually. Exact definition is heteroromantic.
So even though some of the asexuals I meet at my asexual meetups that I organise in my city, are almost completely different to me, we all share the one commonality of being asexual and that makes us relatable to each other and therefore helps me to meet people who I probably would never have met up with before and that is great!
Which is your favourite writing lesson from Harry Potter? Love to read you, so comment below!
I am really proud to be featured talking about asexuality dating. Since being a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I am on the Asexuality.org (AVEN) Media and Speaker team, so very proud of that!
It has been a while since I blogged on here (about 2 weeks) and I am sorry for that. Life has been so hectic lately and I have got tons of stuff to share with you that I will be spreading over a few blog posts!
First, Chestnut had to have an operation to remove a lump from her back that was in a very awkward position as it was near to her backbone. Thankfully she came around from the anaesthetic super quickly and she stayed with me for 10 days in recovery before going back to live at my parent’s home with Angel! But for a while, she would not eat hardly any piggy mix or drink any water! She was eating lots of hay and some vegetables, although not as many as usual and I had to tempt her with different stuff. I gave her cucumber and the vet said she was not dehydrated so must have had enough water from her food. I was concerned about this and it would seem that Chestnut was missing Angel, whilst Angel was fine without Chestnut! The vet said her appetite may have also been affected by the trauma from her operation, but I think it was mostly missing Angel. She had started to eat and drink again much more about 48 hours before she went to live with my parents again. I gave her a lot of love and attention and have videos included in this post from when she was with me. I thought it would be the opposite way around, as Angel is blind and diabetic, I thought she would by moping around her cage, but glad she wasn’t. I did give my mum a cuddly toy dog to keep her company, that was almost the same colour as her own fur! Maybe that helped! Although Angel did not seem lonely or worried about Chestnut not being there, they rubbed noses my mum said when Chestnut went back into the cage. I visited them this week, on Monday July 16th, and they were eating and drinking lots and very happy together.
So the other thing that preoccupied me a lot was preparing to speak at the UK Asexuality Conference in London on 8th of July! Which was amazing and a dream come true for me, and I will have footage of my talks from it, when it has finished being edited processed and is uploaded on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel, one video is currently processing as am writing this! So I had a lot to do for that in terms of my presentation and speech preparation, and I also had to create my new www.asexualiseacademy.com site which is the World’s First Online Training Centre And School For Asexuals And Asexuality, which I launched on the same day as the conference, and it took 4 days to create my first online video training course for that which is Asexuality Basics For Beginners, An Introductory To Asexuality, and is free on my www.asexualiseacademy.com site if you want to check it out and learn more about Asexuality.
I hung out with one of my Asexual friends for 3 days, who also filmed me for my channel and we got on really well so that was fabulous considering it was the first time we met in person after being friends online for over 2 years. We did Skype a few times before we met in person. I also saw another Asexual friend at the conference who had a guest speaking spot during my “How To Arrange An Asexual Meetup” talk. I arrange Asexual meetups and hold them in my City of Exeter in the UK, but people come from all over to my main meets and my next one of those I am arranging for September and we should be doing VR gaming for it! Really looking forward to that! I also saw a non-asexual best friend whilst in London too. Seeing 3 best male friends over 3 days was fab for me and thoroughly enjoyable! The 3rd day I was in London, I went with my Asexual friend – the one I was hanging out with for 3 days and who filmed for my channel, to the London Aquarium and have photos from that which I will put in a blog another post for you! So you have some exciting posts come!
Here are the videos of Chestnut:
I think Chestnut was the perfect film star! Especially as these were recorded live and she had been through a big operation not that long ago! It was a miracle she was so lively to be honest and I was very glad for that! Sorry for the distortion on these videos with both picture and words, especially the first is bad – it was live and couldn’t be helped!
So it would seem I am finally going to get to be a public speaker, in London, and on a topic (asexuality), that I know a lot about! So this is fabulous news. My hotel accommodation and transport are already booked and an asexual friend will be filming me and we will be hanging out together for 3 days, so that will be super cool!
You may not know this, but I also organise Asexual (in person) meetups in my city of Exeter in the UK, and our next one is 19th of May, we will be meeting up for food and drink and then going to the Underground Passages. Here is a video so you can have a peek.
I love to meet other asexuals and it is really nice for me to be in the company of guys who enjoy my company without wanting to have sex with me – as a heteroromantic asexual, I love romance, and am attracted to guys, but never get the need, urge or want for sex, and yes, I have had that in the past and yes, my ex was good at it, and no, I don’t need it. Kissing I love, but not the sex, thanks. I would rather do the washing up and I hate washing up!
If you want to know more about asexuality you can check out my website www.asexualise.com and I have blog articles on there about it and I also have a youtube channel www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife – I just went over 300 subscribers on there! Oh and I also wrote a book in which I interviewed 46 asexuals around the globe, on what they really think of love, life and sex, and not every asexual thinks the same as me! It is a really informative read, even if you are not asexual! It is called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. Here is the link so you can check it out and shop for it https://amzn.to/2I6ZM96
Oh, and I have been a very busy bee, creating a short technical Kindle book for a very specific niche and my first mini online training course for my Quirky Academy (soon to be officially launched – I have a bit more learning curve to do first – a big bit more – but I will succeed). I already launched the trailer for that channel recently. Here it is and please subscribe:
4 Awesome Ways To Celebrate Being Single On Valentine’s Day/International Celebrate Being Single Day!
On this day in 2015, I founded International Celebrate Being Day – on this Quirky Books blog! So that no single person has to feel alone on Valentine’s Day ever again! Instead, they can celebrate it as their special day, such as with a self-date! So today I am out on a self-date to celebrate being single on #ICBSDAY or #ICBSD! (International Celebrate Being Single Day – Feb 14th!) I am going to the cinema and for a meal! And I will be even more loved up with myself than usual!
I have to admit, I have always been happier being single than in a relationship! That doesn’t mean to say it will always be the case, but if it is, that’s fine! I get attracted to younger foreign asexual guys in their 20s, (I am an asexual younger cougar – so I like to kiss a younger guy, not have sex with them), so I am limited in finding someone suitable, especially as I don’t want (sex – as an asexual), marriage, or kids, and I love living on my own and still want 100% commitment but to live separate from someone special, and have them living just around the corner from my home would be nice – I don’t want to cook or clean for a guy, or share household bills with a guy, and if no guy likes that, fine, right now I really appreciate my single life and want it to stay like that for a while anyway!
How are you going to celebrate being single today?
Or if you are in a relationship, how are you going to go out of your way to make that someone feel extra special today? Yes, you may take them out at other times of year, yes, they may know you love them all year round, yes, you may buy them gifts all year around, but there is no harm in doing it today – what have you got to lose?
I never want to be with a cynical guy where Valentine’s Day is concerned or any other special day – and there are quite a lot of cynical guys or guys who have left their dating years behind – remember, if you are in a relationship, it is healthy to date once a week and to remember to not take these days for granted, as they won’t last forever! I believe any reason to celebrate life and love should be taken! I think life should be one big party from beginning to end! And quite frankly if a guy is not going to do anything in these respects, then I really don’t need him, as I make myself happy on every special occasion, yes, I never stay in on my birthday either, I go out, even if that means by myself! And I make myself happy all year round, so any guy who is interested in a relationship with me has a lot to live up to!!
Here are 3 awesome celebrate being single tunes to get you feeling that amazing – HAPPY TO BE SINGLE VIBE!
Whatever happens, however you spend February 14th, know that I love you, that I care, and I am here! And always celebrate being quirky you. Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy International Celebrate Being Single Day from me, lots of love, Sandra xxxxxxxx
Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017. Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I asexual?” And, “What is Asexuality?
Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!!
The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!
Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife
So after being single for almost 6 years, and searching for my Asexual soulmate for over 3 years since 2014 on Asexual dating sites www.asexualitic.com and www.ace-book.net , I finally found him in my own Asexualise Dating Facebook group, that is strictly for asexuals only, who want to date and find a committed forever relationship/s without sex ever. So from Monday 1st of October we became in an official asexual relationship. I am really thrilled about this, love without sex definitely exists with us.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. It means a lack of sexual attraction that makes up about 1% of the world population, that is 1 in every 100 are asexual.
So in broad terms an asexual person is someone who does not get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sex (intercourse). Although some may still have it to please their sexual partner or because they enjoy it as an activity to do, like a board game. I have had sex in the past but would rather not have done. That was before I realised I am a heteroromantic asexual, not a heterosexual. I actually define myself as a Heteroromantic, Hyper-romantic, Grey A, Asexual, Younger Cougar, who does not like sex, just kissing. That means I get attracted romantically to the opposite sex – guys, just not sexually; I am extremely romantic to the extent that would be incomprehensible to some who are not like that, so I can fall in love easily, over a few texts messages or Skype sessions for example – I have been managing that well, so trying to refrain from doing that, but yeah, I love my guy, but we have known each more than that, so it’s fine. And I literally love the romance that Disney movies are made of and making it come to reality! I feel loved up almost 24/7 just with myself!
I have grey areas, so my body gets aroused, but I still have no need, want or urge, for sex, ever.
I am Grey A, which I define as having Grey Areas, because I experience high levels of arousal and can get aroused in my body, by myself, without touching anything or thinking about anyone, or from just thinking about the word aroused, or thinking about kissing, and also by actual kissing. I never go to look at porn, that is personally yuk to me, and if I happen to talk about sex, which happens more as I help a lot of people discover if they are asexual or not, and asexuals often talk more about what they physically can and can’t cope with and like than sexuals do, or I see some sexual images by accident pop up in my Twitter feed for example – and I block them, unfortunately it can set off my arousal, even though I hate sex and sex personally repulses me these days, for me – not for others. People think arousal and sexual attraction are the same thing but they are not, although for sexuals they can be intertwined, as one can instantly lead to the other, for asexuals they are usually separate. Just think, if you touch your genitalia, you are likely to get aroused – think masturbation, but for asexuals, if they do that, it is usually to release arousal feelings with no desire for sex. Some do it for other reasons such as to de-stress or use it as a tool to go to sleep.
I am an asexual cougar means I get attracted to guys who are younger than me and in my case usually foreign, (although my soulmate is British born he still has a foreign looking face from his mum’s side of the family), and I only want a relationship with a younger guy but to be romantic with, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, not have sex with. A nd in my case I am also nudity repulsed and have no desire to see a guy naked below the waist.
My Asexual guy lives in London in the UK and can relocate, he is also a heteroromantic, hyper-romantic and sex repulsed. He is not into nudity either, but loves passionate kissing like I do and is quite happy to be with someone older in birth certificate age. Although younger, he is older in birth certificate age than I would usually go for, and he is not that much younger, but it doesn’t matter as he is adorable and looks younger in person and has an incredibly amazing personality and I feel so lucky and blessed to have found him, at last!! We both like doing young stuff. We have quite a lot of other stuff in common and get on really well and he is coming to see me for 5 days next month and I can’t wait. I am super excited about that!
Listen to my interview about Asexuality and my personal Asexual story on the Straight Up Gay Podcast – and no, I am not gay, I am a heteroromatic asexual – attracted to guys (hetero), I don’t want sex, love kissing and romance, but asexuality is tagged onto the LGBT+ QIA Acronym. Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual. Although Asexuality is about who you are not sexually attracted to – no one, whereas the other identities are based on who they are sexually attracted to.
If you haven’t yet checked out my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book on Amazon, it is an insightful read, even if you are not asexual, so be sure to check it out now!! http://amzn.to/2gKnsDs
In broad terms Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but what does this actually mean for those who identify with this sexual orientation? And what do asexuals really think of love, life and sex?
Whilst all asexuals have one thing in common – the lack of sexual attraction towards a specific person, we are all different in our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. This can make fitting into the asexual spectrum and finding a suitable relationship difficult.
Right now, there are a number of myths about asexuality and stereotypes – even within the asexual community, about what asexuals do and do not like, should and should not do, and these need to be addressed and broken through!
If you identify as asexual do you –
Struggle to have a voice in this sexualized world?
Have no one to relate to?
Find it difficult to find others like you?
Feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language where sex is concerned?
Or are you unsure of your identity and sometimes get confused and you want to know what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, and what experiences they have had or are having; and how they manage their relationships? If so, then look no further than this book. In this book you will discover asexuals who feel just like you.
In this book I will reveal my own asexual perspective and personal story as well as perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe; dispelling myths and breaking stereotypes; sharing their own personal journey to help you in yours and with a surprising over-riding message!
In this book you will:
•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.
•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.
•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!
•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.
•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.
•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.
•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.
•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.
•Uncover the positives about being asexual.
•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.
I feel truly blessed that all interviewees have been willing to open up and share their most intimate moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions with you. What you are about to read is unique, amazing, interesting, sometimes candidly humorous, fascinating and insightful. This is their story, now it’s their time to tell it.
Heteroromantic, Author Sandra Bellamy is the founder of www.asexualise.com, with products, resources and services for asexuals. She sees herself as an ambassador for asexuality and is on a mission to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. By purchasing this book you will gain a deeper understanding of this often misunderstood sexual orientation and help to spread awareness of asexuality at the same time. We may be small in numbers, but we can still make a huge difference to the world at large and celebrate our diversity.