On the 8th of November, I reached 7 years of blogging on this Quirky Books blog, I cannot thank you enough for all of your love, care and support over these years, it has meant such a lot.
Some people don’t understand why I don’t just migrate this blog to some other site of mine, but I love it where is it, right now and for 7 years. This blog is like my comfy armchair, my sofa in my virtual lounge, and I love talking to you in it!
Thanks for 7 beautiful years, and I am looking for the next 7.
It has been a really difficult and sad time for me lately, because on Sunday 29th of October, I had to split with my asexual boyfriend. The guy who I thought was my soulmate, and who was really kind, sweet and loving towards me, turned out not to be so nice after all, not loving me like he first did, or valuing my worth, and in fact exhibited some controlling behaviour! It is hard when you think you know someone, then find out they are not the person you thought they are and he did a good job of fooling me!! I really thought he truly and deeply cared for me, but I was mistaken. His behaviour appeared to change so quickly!
I wrote an Asexual Newsletter which you can find here, about how his behaviour changed and about some of the signs of controlling behaviour that you may want to look out for! And about how sometimes, you have to be your own hero and save yourself and get out of a relationship that is no good for you, no matter how painful it may be: http://mailchi.mp/a50715303715/asexual-break-up-how-to-be-your-own-hero
These videos were hard for me to do, after the break-up!
After my hurt and pain started to heal! Here is my advice on how to get over relationship heartbreak and heartache!
Allow yourself to grieve, better out that in. Do not bottle it up!
Speak to family and friends to get their support.
Get your emotions out constructively and do blogging or YouTubing if you need to.
Do things that are not just distracting, but that are productive and help develop you as a person!
Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017. Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I asexual?” And, “What is Asexuality?
Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!!
The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!
Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife
In love this love poem, I think it is one of my favourites that I have spoken. What do you think?
Soulmates do exist, so never give up! I knew I had a soulmate since 10, I did not know he is asexual until 2014, and since then I have been searching on Asexual Dating sites and in Asexual Facebook groups to find him, and then I found him in my own Asexualise Dating group, for those who are asexual (lack sexual attraction), and looking to have a serious relationship with another asexual, with no sex ever.
Some people believe in soulmates and some do not. I have believed I have a soulmate since 10, and finally we have found each other. He believed he had one too. In order to achieve something, you have to believe in it 100%, and I did and do, and it is like a dream come true for me. As I knew the types of things he would say, and there he is saying them naturally. We are already like best friends and it is amazing. Thank goodness love exists without sex and so do soulmates too – you just have to believe!!
I have now been made redundant form my day job and I thought this is a great opportunity to work on my own businesses more, then yesterday 5 of my websites got hacked and currently all of them are offline until I get the problem fixed, which requires extensive time or a fair amount of money. This is a temporary set-back and I believe 100% in my Quirky Academy, but may have to go back into a day job for a bit, as I wasn’t planning on leaving my day job until the end of next year when my own businesses are in a better financial shape.
I am still working on my “How To Manage Fibromyalgia Like A Superhero Rockstar” book, and have people wanting to buy it and waiting for it to be published.
Lots of love to all of you for your continued support and for being quirky you of course xx
So after being single for almost 6 years, and searching for my Asexual soulmate for over 3 years since 2014 on Asexual dating sites www.asexualitic.com and www.ace-book.net , I finally found him in my own Asexualise Dating Facebook group, that is strictly for asexuals only, who want to date and find a committed forever relationship/s without sex ever. So from Monday 1st of October we became in an official asexual relationship. I am really thrilled about this, love without sex definitely exists with us.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. It means a lack of sexual attraction that makes up about 1% of the world population, that is 1 in every 100 are asexual.
So in broad terms an asexual person is someone who does not get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sex (intercourse). Although some may still have it to please their sexual partner or because they enjoy it as an activity to do, like a board game. I have had sex in the past but would rather not have done. That was before I realised I am a heteroromantic asexual, not a heterosexual. I actually define myself as a Heteroromantic, Hyper-romantic, Grey A, Asexual, Younger Cougar, who does not like sex, just kissing. That means I get attracted romantically to the opposite sex – guys, just not sexually; I am extremely romantic to the extent that would be incomprehensible to some who are not like that, so I can fall in love easily, over a few texts messages or Skype sessions for example – I have been managing that well, so trying to refrain from doing that, but yeah, I love my guy, but we have known each more than that, so it’s fine. And I literally love the romance that Disney movies are made of and making it come to reality! I feel loved up almost 24/7 just with myself!
I have grey areas, so my body gets aroused, but I still have no need, want or urge, for sex, ever.
I am Grey A, which I define as having Grey Areas, because I experience high levels of arousal and can get aroused in my body, by myself, without touching anything or thinking about anyone, or from just thinking about the word aroused, or thinking about kissing, and also by actual kissing. I never go to look at porn, that is personally yuk to me, and if I happen to talk about sex, which happens more as I help a lot of people discover if they are asexual or not, and asexuals often talk more about what they physically can and can’t cope with and like than sexuals do, or I see some sexual images by accident pop up in my Twitter feed for example – and I block them, unfortunately it can set off my arousal, even though I hate sex and sex personally repulses me these days, for me – not for others. People think arousal and sexual attraction are the same thing but they are not, although for sexuals they can be intertwined, as one can instantly lead to the other, for asexuals they are usually separate. Just think, if you touch your genitalia, you are likely to get aroused – think masturbation, but for asexuals, if they do that, it is usually to release arousal feelings with no desire for sex. Some do it for other reasons such as to de-stress or use it as a tool to go to sleep.
I am an asexual cougar means I get attracted to guys who are younger than me and in my case usually foreign, (although my soulmate is British born he still has a foreign looking face from his mum’s side of the family), and I only want a relationship with a younger guy but to be romantic with, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, not have sex with. A nd in my case I am also nudity repulsed and have no desire to see a guy naked below the waist.
My Asexual guy lives in London in the UK and can relocate, he is also a heteroromantic, hyper-romantic and sex repulsed. He is not into nudity either, but loves passionate kissing like I do and is quite happy to be with someone older in birth certificate age. Although younger, he is older in birth certificate age than I would usually go for, and he is not that much younger, but it doesn’t matter as he is adorable and looks younger in person and has an incredibly amazing personality and I feel so lucky and blessed to have found him, at last!! We both like doing young stuff. We have quite a lot of other stuff in common and get on really well and he is coming to see me for 5 days next month and I can’t wait. I am super excited about that!
Instead of: Nice Use: Gracious
Instead of: Hard Use: Challenging
Instead of: Good Use: Splendid
Instead of: Bad Use: Dreadful
Instead of: Sad Use: Somber
Instead of: Happy Use: Content
Instead of: Like Use: Treasure
Instead of: Mean Use: Malicious
Instead of: See Use: Glimpse
Instead of: Think Use: Deem
Instead of: Big Use: Colossal
Instead of: Little Use: Petite
Instead of: Walked Use: Shuffled
Instead of: Ran Use: Sprinted
Instead of: Laughed Use: Snickered
Instead of: Yelled Use: Wailed
What words do you substitute for others, to spice up your writing?
I am currently about three quarters of the way through writing my short book, “How To Manage Fibromyalgia Like A Superhero Rockstar”, as always with my Quirky Books, I with be giving you a different and unconventional approach to this illness for life and telling you some of my very quirky and unconventional ways of managing it; to lead a happy, vibrant and energetic life.
1. Big Picture – Start with a one-line summary of your novel
2. Three Acts – Write a synopsis including the 3 acts of your book
3. Spotlight – Write one-page descriptions on each character (very important)
4. Location, Location, Location – Build the setting(s) and determine their significance
5. I or You – Decide on the P.O.V. – it can make or break your novel!
6. It’s About Time – Create a pace between scenes and be consistent
7. Pen to Paper – Write your first draft (and then your 2nd, 3rd…)
8. Edit Out – Self-edit and then send out to a Editor
9. Edit In – Revise and Rewrite
10. Off to the Presses – Publish your book. Just do it!
11. Go out and celebrate, because you deserve it!
I am currently working on my latest non-fiction Quirky Book, “How To Manage Fibromyalgia Like A Superhero Rockstar”, there is a subtitle too. I started to write some of it in draft form about 6-8 weeks ago, and as Lady Gaga recently came out about having Fibromyalgia, I thought it’s time to type it up and finish writing it. This is challenging for me, as now I have finished typing up most of draft, I am having to type up the book straight from my head to the Mac screen. It is really hard doing his, but good to stretch and challenge me at the same time. It is something I have not tried to do much of. As I am writing the majority of the book like this and still having to make it impactful and logical in order, I think this is a writing skill that is on another level entirely. It requires a humongous degree of focus and determination, and of thinking on my brain feet. I am still making little notes and prompts to help me, as the book is unfolding, and still have a few notes and points to add, that I already made. I am slower than I would like to be, but this is a quality short book, so I don’t want to rush it and not make it as good as it can be, without it going on forever. I have learnt that perfectionism can kill the writer, just as much as procrastination, and one can lead to the other anyway. So I am going to do my best, then hit that publish button and believe it is good enough. But I still have much work to do on it, as it is a deep book that not many will have thought about the content for, as I am presenting it. You know that every book I write is different and a Quirky Book, and as usual, I will be crossing over genres. This book is an autobiographical, How-To, self-help book. And will be a fabulous read. You can pick up some skills from it, even if you don’t have Fibro. I have also got a Fab outfit for the AD … All will be revealed in the future xxxx
Writing literally does quench my soul that nothing else can reach. I love it so much. To be a full-time writer is my dream. I have started my next Kindle Quirky Book that should be coming out in print format too, but this one is different again, on subject matter, to the ones that are already out.
Something I don’t talk about often, especially on this blog, is the fact I also have this. In a nutshell, it is a chronic pain condition that affects the nerves and muscles of the body. You feel super sensitive to pain and constantly have pain in your body. I don’t like to dwell on it as what we focus on expands, but I have had it since 2012. I manage it well, and use the power of my mind to block out a lot of the pain. It makes my current job search a little more difficult (I am being made redundant for a 3rd time). That is why it is even more important I fulfil my writing dreams.
To cut a long story short, I have felt for some time that I need to write a book about how I unconventionally manage this condition, in the hope to help someone. The only problem is, it causes me more conscious pain to write the book, however, it is something I must do in order to help others. So about 6 or 8 weeks ago, I started to write my book in draft form, and left it for a bit. Then BOOM! On 13th of September, I saw that Lady Gaga article and thought NOW, I must type it up and get that book out, so that is what I started to do on Saturday 16th of September. I am super charging my typing speed. Watch this space – you know it is not going to be a normal, boring book, but a far out, Quirky Book that will pack a quirky punch!! I am really excited about this one!!
Do you know anyone else with this condition? How do they manage it???