So it would seem I am finally going to get to be a public speaker, in London, and on a topic (asexuality), that I know a lot about! So this is fabulous news. My hotel accommodation and transport are already booked and an asexual friend will be filming me and we will be hanging out together for 3 days, so that will be super cool!
You may not know this, but I also organise Asexual (in person) meetups in my city of Exeter in the UK, and our next one is 19th of May, we will be meeting up for food and drink and then going to the Underground Passages. Here is a video so you can have a peek.
I love to meet other asexuals and it is really nice for me to be in the company of guys who enjoy my company without wanting to have sex with me – as a heteroromantic asexual, I love romance, and am attracted to guys, but never get the need, urge or want for sex, and yes, I have had that in the past and yes, my ex was good at it, and no, I don’t need it. Kissing I love, but not the sex, thanks. I would rather do the washing up and I hate washing up!
If you want to know more about asexuality you can check out my website www.asexualise.com and I have blog articles on there about it and I also have a youtube channel www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife – I just went over 300 subscribers on there! Oh and I also wrote a book in which I interviewed 46 asexuals around the globe, on what they really think of love, life and sex, and not every asexual thinks the same as me! It is a really informative read, even if you are not asexual! It is called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. Here is the link so you can check it out and shop for it https://amzn.to/2I6ZM96
Oh, and I have been a very busy bee, creating a short technical Kindle book for a very specific niche and my first mini online training course for my Quirky Academy (soon to be officially launched – I have a bit more learning curve to do first – a big bit more – but I will succeed). I already launched the trailer for that channel recently. Here it is and please subscribe:
Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017. Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I asexual?” And, “What is Asexuality?
Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!!
The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!
Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife
So after being single for almost 6 years, and searching for my Asexual soulmate for over 3 years since 2014 on Asexual dating sites www.asexualitic.com and www.ace-book.net , I finally found him in my own Asexualise Dating Facebook group, that is strictly for asexuals only, who want to date and find a committed forever relationship/s without sex ever. So from Monday 1st of October we became in an official asexual relationship. I am really thrilled about this, love without sex definitely exists with us.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. It means a lack of sexual attraction that makes up about 1% of the world population, that is 1 in every 100 are asexual.
So in broad terms an asexual person is someone who does not get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sex (intercourse). Although some may still have it to please their sexual partner or because they enjoy it as an activity to do, like a board game. I have had sex in the past but would rather not have done. That was before I realised I am a heteroromantic asexual, not a heterosexual. I actually define myself as a Heteroromantic, Hyper-romantic, Grey A, Asexual, Younger Cougar, who does not like sex, just kissing. That means I get attracted romantically to the opposite sex – guys, just not sexually; I am extremely romantic to the extent that would be incomprehensible to some who are not like that, so I can fall in love easily, over a few texts messages or Skype sessions for example – I have been managing that well, so trying to refrain from doing that, but yeah, I love my guy, but we have known each more than that, so it’s fine. And I literally love the romance that Disney movies are made of and making it come to reality! I feel loved up almost 24/7 just with myself!
I have grey areas, so my body gets aroused, but I still have no need, want or urge, for sex, ever.
I am Grey A, which I define as having Grey Areas, because I experience high levels of arousal and can get aroused in my body, by myself, without touching anything or thinking about anyone, or from just thinking about the word aroused, or thinking about kissing, and also by actual kissing. I never go to look at porn, that is personally yuk to me, and if I happen to talk about sex, which happens more as I help a lot of people discover if they are asexual or not, and asexuals often talk more about what they physically can and can’t cope with and like than sexuals do, or I see some sexual images by accident pop up in my Twitter feed for example – and I block them, unfortunately it can set off my arousal, even though I hate sex and sex personally repulses me these days, for me – not for others. People think arousal and sexual attraction are the same thing but they are not, although for sexuals they can be intertwined, as one can instantly lead to the other, for asexuals they are usually separate. Just think, if you touch your genitalia, you are likely to get aroused – think masturbation, but for asexuals, if they do that, it is usually to release arousal feelings with no desire for sex. Some do it for other reasons such as to de-stress or use it as a tool to go to sleep.
I am an asexual cougar means I get attracted to guys who are younger than me and in my case usually foreign, (although my soulmate is British born he still has a foreign looking face from his mum’s side of the family), and I only want a relationship with a younger guy but to be romantic with, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, not have sex with. A nd in my case I am also nudity repulsed and have no desire to see a guy naked below the waist.
My Asexual guy lives in London in the UK and can relocate, he is also a heteroromantic, hyper-romantic and sex repulsed. He is not into nudity either, but loves passionate kissing like I do and is quite happy to be with someone older in birth certificate age. Although younger, he is older in birth certificate age than I would usually go for, and he is not that much younger, but it doesn’t matter as he is adorable and looks younger in person and has an incredibly amazing personality and I feel so lucky and blessed to have found him, at last!! We both like doing young stuff. We have quite a lot of other stuff in common and get on really well and he is coming to see me for 5 days next month and I can’t wait. I am super excited about that!
For something that I knew nothing about, this book was an upfront and personal invitation to dialogue with the asexuality community. I’m appreciative to the author for her dedication to give voice and visibility to a sexual orientation that currently has little in modern society and media. It’s amazing how different the people in this book are and how different their stories are. I thank them for their bravery and willingness to share their lives.
If you or someone else would like a harmless, cheap, enlightening, insightful, serious, and even entertaining read, then this is your next book.
I was absolutely thrilled to read this Awesome 5 Star Asexual Perspectives book review, from someone who is completely new to asexuality. They obviously thoroughly enjoyed reading Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories Book so much, and captured the spirit of this book in their review words. I was so happy they not only liked reading the book, but that the praise and recognition for the visibility of our orientation, is so greatly received.
This feels so good as a writer, that people love my written work, and it is written that well that people outside our asexual orientation, can understand it.
If Kindle books are available in your country, you have NO excuses not to get it. You don’t have to have a Kindle as you can download the Kindle AP to almost any device. CLICK HERE http://amzn.to/2u5Q2EA TO GET IT, OR HERE http://amzn.to/2sO3sB4 if you live in the UK. (Please note that not all countries have Amazon Kindles books. You can still buy the paperback edition on Amazon or request it from your local book store!! (And soon you will be able to buy a digital copy on my own Quirky Books E Book Store).
So I hear you say, why would I want an asexual book, when I love sex and am not asexual, right??? Because 1% of the population, IS ASEXUAL and this means that 1 in 100 people you come across in your life, IS ASEXUAL. This means you could end up talking to an asexual, being friends with an asexual, dating an asexual, wanting a relationship with an asexual, and falling in love with an asexual!! And how is that type of relationship dynamic going to work???? If you do not understand what this misunderstood and often unheard of sexual orientation, is about??? Sure, you can stay ignorant, uneducated and shrug it off as you do not need to know, but I am sure if you fall in love with an asexual and want to get married, live with, and have kids with an asexual, then you will NEED to understand your partner. After all, it is a partnership that requires understanding of both of your sexual orientations.
Heterosexuality, is often talked about and not kept in darkness, but even so, you still have needs and those needs are individual to you!! An asexual has their own asexual needs, within their sometimes more complex orientation and the sooner you grasp the foundations of what your love one requires in that relationship, the sooner you can find that deep emotional connection and bond, that will stand the test of time, long after your bits are not doing what you wished them to anymore.
Shop now, write soon, and keep being QUIRKY YOU – always!! xx Sandra (Aka Asexualise and Quirky Books)
QUIRKY BOOKS PUBLISHES ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES IN PRINT UNBOXING VIDEO – IN A LAND FAR FAR AWAY #APAM Check out the video and pay attention to the very beginning Star Wars style intro. It requires very careful reading, but you will love it. It is all about having a Quirky dream and achieving it!! Quirky Books first book in print is out now, Asexual Perspectives is out now in print!!! Check it out in Kindle and print format here http://amzn.to/2sK5a5G
Despite the fact I have been off work with a nasty virus, and on Monday Chestnut had to have an unexpected minor eye op that she had to have a quick dose of anaesthetic for; I got a wonderful expected surprise on Wed, 28th of June, when my first ever Quirky Books print version of my Asexual Perspectives book proofs arrived. Yes, after over 6 Years, Quirky Books is an official imprint, so not only is it the first time my writing has ever been in print format, it is the first of my actual own book publishing company printed books. This deserves 3 cheers, hip, hip, hooray, hip, hip, hooray, hip, hip, hooray! I figure if you can’t cheer yourself on in life, why should anyone else bother to!
To hold my book in my hands felt wonderful to say the least. And one huge benefit of being a publishing imprint and having a book in print, is I have to send a copy of my book to the British Library by law and up to 5 other libraries if they request it! This means there will always be a record of the invaluable information contained within this book for generations to come and it becomes part of our English heritage, and with my huge mission of getting Asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again, this means so very much. I know this information will live on, long after I have gone, and this is the most incredibly powerful feeling that no other profession can give me; the power of the written word to change lives, and make a lasting impression on those lives already in existence!
Remember, if you are rejected by traditional publishers, or you just want to take ultimate control of your writing and publishing, just create your own destiny and get into self-publishing, it’s not for the faint-hearted but the life long rewards of changing lives through the written word, will be worth it. Xx
To celebrate the print version of my Asexual Perspectives book going live to buy around the globe next month, I have founded Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month from 1st-31st July 2017, a whole month of celebrating our Asexuality all across the spectrum and our individuality within it, which is a core central message of the book! If you want to get involved like http://www.facebook.com/acexualise one of my pages for Asexuals on Facebook. Also subscribe to http://www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife to see a brand new video every day, related to a topic in the book, for 31 consecutive days. There will be Facebook challenges, Facebook Lives, quotes from the book. It’s going to be ace. Use #APAM in your Tweets and when sharing across social media, and don’t forget to check out Asexual Perspectives on Amazon.
Until next time, write soon and stay quirky
Sandra xx Aka Quirky Books and Asexualise (3 names in 1, can’t be bad, like 3 for the price of 1 – priceless! Ha! I am in a happy, funny mood, despite not being in tip top physical health).
I recently went to the Business Showcase South West in Bristol #BSSW. There were lots of seminars throughout the day, including one that featured Jordan Daykin, who won investment from Deborah Meaden in the hit Entrepreneur TV Show Dragon’s Den! He was only 18 when he won that investment in 2014 – making him only 21 years now and his business GripIt – is now worth over £14,000,000. It was awesome to hear his inspirational story!!
I did a live 5 minute pitch to 2 people, to be a TedX Speaker about Asexuality at the next TedX Bristol event in November this year. I already applied with a 1 minute video pitch, 100 word pitch and a bio! And my application has not yet made it or been declined. If you don’t know what TedX is, it is a local Ted talk – or rather talk(s) on stage, on a particular subject that a person has experience or knowledge about – which often makes them seen as an expert. The last Bristol TedX in 2015, had all 1800 seats sold out and about 2000 attended. It is the biggest TedX talk in the UK and possibly in Europe. All speakers are voluntary and the money goes back into a bigger and better show for next time. If I got it, it would be truly life changing for both me and asexuals around the globe – especially since some Ted talks are viewed on YouTube in their thousands and millions. Keep your fingers, toes, and everything crossed, that I make the final cut!! Pitching to be a speaker continues until July – so I have to wait and see! I know at least I tried and will have no regrets as I have done all I can to get through, and although I think I will be good at speaking on stage, in front of that many people is something I will need to be brave to do – but I am a warrior, so it will all be good!! And let’s face it, I was born to be on stage really!! Just have to push myself to do it and go for it!!
If you want to try something in life and have been thinking about it for a while – I say, go for it!! Life is too short!! Keep writing and stay quirky – always xx
Oh and if you have not got a copy of my Asexual Perspectives book yet, you should!! It is great to know about all sexualities because you never know who you will meet that may be the love of your life and if they are Asexual, it is really important to understand them!!