I was interviewed by Catana @TransformationalArtWithCatana about how Asexuality completely transformed my life! “I love kissing but not sex.”
It all started in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor, because I was worried that I wanted a relationship and liked kissing and romance, but I didn’t like sex, and she told me, “I’m worried about you, because if you want a good guy, you will need to have sex to keep him.”
I was absolutely horrified!
This was the worst thing I could have been told…
I thought to myself, how can any guy be good for me, if they want me to do something to me, that I don’t want to do?
To me, that’s like giving a guy a license to rape me – and that’s not happening.
It meant she was telling me I can’t get love without sex, and that my only value and worth of being in a relationship with a “good” guy, is based on if I have sex with him or not!
Not only is this sending a very dangerous message to me and anyone who is counselled by her…
… it’s the equivalent of saying that anyone who doesn’t have sex, cannot get a “good” guy, so they can’t have a “good” relationship, and aren’t worthy of love.
So what happens to all the people who are not asexual, but who can’t have sex because their disability or special needs, makes it impossible to do that and too painful???
What happens to all the impotent people in the world who can’t have sex???
Do these people also, not deserved to be loved without sex?
Do the they just end up with “bad” guys, because having sex, somehow changes a bad guy into a good guy???
I don’t think so. If they are a bad guy, having sex with them is not going to make them good.
What a load of bullshit.
And if people measure how much they are loved in a relationship by the amount of sex they are or are not having, they are valuing their own worth on how much contact they have with another person’s genitals, which they can’t control, – so there’s no wonder there are high divorced rates, broken relationships, and people feeling unloved and worthless.
So I went back home and Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and this is what happened next…
As asexuality is a sexual orientation largely based on a lack of sexual attraction, it can be hard to make our own voice heard.
Especially as sexual stereotypes and societal conditioning tell everyone that it’s natural to like, want, and need sex, and that anyone who says otherwise must be lying or have something wrong with them.
People tend to discard what they don’t understand.
They tend to disregard what is considered as “not” normal.
And they tend to feel extremely uncomfortable when something doesn’t fit in with their ideology.
But I encourage you to always stand proud of who you are, and to stop listening to what other people say, that drowns out the sound of your own voice.
Asexuals have as much right to speak out about how they think and feel, including if they don’t like, want, or need sex, and have the right to be taken seriously.
Just because asexuality is a minority sexuality, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong and not normal.
It’s normal for SOME people to not like, want, need, or get the urge for, partnered sexual intercourse, ever.
Don’t let anyone blind you into believing we are all the same – because we are not.
There ARE people who never want sex, and that’s okay.
The only reason most people don’t speak out, is because other’s ridicule them and tell you, you can’t be who you are born to be.
I am here to show you, you can.
That your life is your own and that speaking up, in your own voice, is essential to live your own life dreams and no one else’s. Regardless of your sexuality.
That’s why I’m thrilled to be able to give a voice to the voiceless, and share my own asexual life journey of how I became known as The Asexual Entrepreneur and explain what it feels like to be asexual in this highly sexualised world, and how to live your asexual dreams and be your true authentic self, no matter what, on the Dreams ARE Real podcast.
Don’t miss this ACE episode by listening through either of the links below, now, and tell me what you think…
In broad terms, asexuality is a sexual orientation that is based on the lack of sexual attraction. This means we don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse.
Sexual attraction = being sexually attracted towards a specific person/people.
Sexual desire = desiring the sex itself.
Arousal = a feeling in your genitalia.
Asexuality is also a spectrum, ranging from those who experience zero sexual attraction, known as a “pure” asexual, to those do experience sexual attraction, only under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience it, but not enough to want to act on it – known as a “grey” asexual.
Some asexuals are sex repulsed and will never have sex and hate it, others are sex neutral and don’t care whether they have sex or not. Others are sex positive and will/do have sex.
Some asexuals hate porn and will never watch it.
Other asexuals do watch porn.
Some asexuals masturbate.
Others asexuals feel sick at the idea of masturbation and it makes them want to throw up – just like some sex repulsed asexuals want to throw up when they hear the word sex.
Some asexuals are into BDSM – even without sex.
Other asexuals can’t stand BDSM and they want to run mile even hearing those words.
So, my friend Sandra, as well as writing Asexual Perspectives and other books, also has a YouTube channel, where she discusses, among other things, asexuality, relationships, self development and personal improvement. She often has livestreams on the channel. These can vary in duration from around 20-25 minutes up to a couple of hours, dependent on […]
Ever heard of asexuality? Or thought you might be asexual, because you just don’t feel the same way about sex as others do?
“The book was a revelation for me. It showed me, not just through Sandra’s view, but through the perspective of 46 other people, that asexuality wasn’t something that made me broken, and that many other people shared at least some of my experiences. And also that maybe I wasn’t destined to be alone forever.”
Check out this full review of my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book. And don’t forget to go to Amazon and grab your copy now! Here https://amzn.to/3LpCiJC
I thought that I would do a review of a book written by Sandra Bellamy regarding asexuality. She has written a few books (I’ll likely review others) and is currently writing another as I write this, which should hopefully be available soon.
The book I shall discuss today is “Asexual Perspectives, 47 Asexual Stories” with the extended title “LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACEelebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY”.
Asexual Perspectives was released in 2017 by Sandra Bellamy, who has her own publishing imprint.
Before I discovered asexuality, in 2014, I thought that I was alone and broken. Even once I had discovered asexuality, for the first few years it was still difficult to come to terms with. Most people weren’t asexual, and most of my relationships/dating experiences were failures because they were all with sexual people, and I simply had no interest in sexual activity. I had tried to do some sexual…
What is asexuality? What does it mean to be asexual? What is grey asexual? What’s a pure asexual? What is the asexual spectrum?
Watch the What Is Asexuality – YouTube #shorts video above and read the asexual flags below, to find out…
If you are new to asexuality, or you want more help understanding the asexual spectrum, and how to navigate dating, relationships, and life, as an asexual, in a highly sexualised world, I have been helping asexual for over 6 years now on my Asexualise channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife that you can subscribe to, which will help you with many aspects about asexuality, and especially dating and relationships. I usual live stream daily and you can ask me anything you want in chat there.
If you are still discovering about asexuality and more about the asexual spectrum, I have a Free Asexuality Basics For Beginners course that you can sign up to here that also shows you what the asexual spectrum is www.asexualiseacademy.com
I also wrote a book and interviewed 46 asexuals around the globe and across the asexual spectrum for it, https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3 What is good about this book, is it does not just give text book definitions of orientations across the asexual spectrum, it shows you them, through their answers and the personal details they share. It answers most questions you could think of about love, life, and sex, from an asexual point of view, including those you feel afraid to ask!!
What you will learn when you join Asexualise Academy Club
Mental health (Coping techniques/strategies) for anxiety, depression, stress)
In 2012, I freed myself of long-term depression and learned how to self-love. Over the years I have learned a lot about how to manage my anxiety better, so I can pass this knowledge onto you. Within the Asexualise Academy Club, you will learn how to develop new habits that make you feel good and are likely to stick, as we work on our Inspirational Quotes and Questions Journal together, to foster positive emotions, develop a feel good mindset, and grow your self-awareness, so you become a happier, more vibrant and energetic version of YOU, with less emotional pain in your life, which will reduce anxiety and stress, and help alleviate depression. Get extra group coaching, training, and insights, not in the journal, to help you to be more mentally healthy.
Mindset and Motivation (How to maintain a positive mindset, stay motivated)
Most people go along in life, with no real direction. They get up, do the same routines, and wonder why nothing changes to make their life better. Change starts from within. So in order to develop a positive mindset you need to develop more self-awareness. Each of the inspirational quotes and questions in your journal, is designed to inspire you and get you to think more deeply about yourself, your life, and reflect on what changes need to be made, to have a more positive mindset and be motivated to start each new day with renewed hope, confidence, and aliveness. Change can be difficult but with the right support, which you will get in the club, you won’t have to go it alone and you have support there whenever you need it most. Together we can make a change, and be the change others want to see, we can turn our life around and be more happy.
Advice, help, and guidance, about asexuality and related asexual life topics
Feeling lost, alone, or misunderstood, in this highly sexualised world? Trying to make sense of it as your asexual self, can be really tough, but with this kind of club, it will be like we are one big family and there to support each other, rather than living with aliens speaking another language. Worry no more. With my help and your participation, you can feel relieved that I am here to help you to live your best asexual life. Ask me anything you like about asexuality and asexual life related topics in live Q and A sessions within the group. You can post your questions beforehand and I will discuss them in live streams exclusive to group members only, and you can post questions at any time.
Dating and relationship advice (Including healthy friendships and relationships)
Everyone wants sex! At least that’s the way it feels if you’re asexual! Get more personalised help with exclusive members only group coaching on how to grow, develop, maintain and sustain, healthy relationships and friendships, including with yourself – so you stop self-sabotaging. Discover how to spot narcissists and abusers, before they worm their way into your heart, and steal your soul. Learn how to have open, honest, healthy discussions, with those you care about, like and love, so you can be more of your authentic self and lead a happier life. Learn how to put boundaries in places with sexuals and how to understand sexual language more, so you don’t get pulled into things you wish you never had! Learn how to keep yourself safe and happy.
A regular monthly online asexual/ally/channel fan meetup
Are you fed up with not having enough in person support around you? Do you feel like a fish out of water and you are wiggling around clinging to dear life and gasping for air? Do you feel suffocated and repressed among people who don’t understand you, who think you are making it up, or who completely invalidate your asexual identity and feelings? If so, I know how you feel. For years I didn’t know I was asexual, but I have always known I’m different. The relief of discovering I’m asexual in March 2014, and finding an online community of people like me, with similar mindset, beliefs and thinking, was just incredible. But… I was so desperate to meet other asexuals in person, offline, rather than just through forum comments or the occasional PM, to cement my asexual identity and be around people who understood me, and I could develop and strengthen those message only relationships into something real and tangible. So in 2015, I started successfully holding in person asexual meetups and when the pandemic hit in 2020, I did a few online asexual meetups, by Skype, these were popular and asexual people from all around the world came together, but I couldn’t devote enough time to do them regularly. For club members only, we will be having an online meetup, at least once a month, around the first Sunday of the month, scheduled for an hour, using the chat room and video feature, in our exclusive members only Facebook group. This means you don’t have to log out of Facebook and into somewhere else, it’s a lot more convenient, and if we need to get together for a special occasion or just to have extra support, we can do it! This is the next best thing to an in person meetup and it will help your mental health to have regular face-to-face contact with others like you!
Time management and productivity hacks and tips, so get the most out of life
We only have one life, but if we don’t feel we are making any progress in it, we stagnate, procrastinate, and feel down in the dumps. Can you relate? So our life takes a turn for the worse and we feel like giving up. I know, I have been there, and I’m still a work in progress where procrastination is concerned. I don’t pretend to be perfect, but over the years I have learnt many things to help me manage my time better and be productive, so I will be teaching these to you. Once you can manage your time more effectively, you will automatically become more productive, feel like you are making progress, and have greater satisfaction in life by achieving more, making yourself happier in the process.
Life hacks on how to live your best life, tailored to group needs
From where to get tasty allergy free foods, to how to market your own book, make spare cash online, or how to make new friends, it’s your group, so you tell me what knowledge and information you need, and I will do my best to provide you with it. I have been studying personal and professional development since 2012, so I am a walking brain of knowledge and experience that you can utilise to help you live your best life, to love yourself more, to fulfil your goals, ambitions and dreams, and to make your difference in the world, to make it a brighter and more happier place, because you’re in it. You matter, your needs matter, so make this group your own, tell me what you need to know and I will throw in some surprise life hacks along the way, to make your asexual personal life journey, the best one ever.
When you click through the link you will be taken to PayPal to subscribe to Asexualise Academy Club monthly subscription service, for a nominal fee of just £25 a month, (that’s less than 84p day) which you can cancel at any time. Don’t have PayPal – click “Check out as guest” (see screenshot below).
After you have subscribed, email me asexualise@gmail.com with your Facebook profile details, so I can invite you to join the members only club group, where all the training will take place and your FREE monthly journal with be delivered with your FREE unicorn art posters. It’s that simple! Just download your journal and join in the live streams to get extra insights and coaching/training – or watch on replay. Your email will also be added to an exclusive monthly membership newsletter, so I can send you highlights about the groups events, what’s happening, and any special offers, which you can opt out of at any time. So by giving your email you consent to that.
Are you asexual and struggling to cope with:
Life – Negative thoughts consume you!
Dating and relationships – everyone wants sex!
A lack of understanding and social support – with only your cat or cuddly toy for comfort?
If you answered yes to any of the above, you’re in the right place! Besides all of the benefits listed at the top of this page, which includes a monthly meetup and dating and relationship advice, included in your monthly membership programme you will also receive, EACH AND EVERY MONTH, for FREE, a new INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES AND QUESTIONS FOR THE SOUL JOURNAL, – pictured at the top of the photo, and a second non-branded/no ace references copy, (shown below it) in case you’re not out as being asexual, or in case you’re an Asexualise channel fan or ally.
This PREMIUM E-BOOK, took me over 10 hours to create and is also sold separately as a stand alone monthly subscription (more details on that below). WE WILL WORK THROUGH THIS PREMIUM E-BOOK JOURNAL TOGETHER THROUGHOUT EACH DAY OF THE MONTH, to foster positive emotions, get into feel good habits, with additional coaching and training from me on the various topics, TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE your life, in a members only private Facebook social learning group, which is where all content and freebies, will be delivered. This Inspirational Quotes And Questions For The Soul Journal, for every day of the month, has it’s own individual page and space for you to write, with an inspirational quote on it, and a question related to that quote (in some instances you’ll have more than one question) for you to think about, and carefully write your answer/s to underneath. Many pages also have cute thumbnail illustrations, and there’s a bonus 5 extra pages at the back, that you can use to expand more on some of your answers, share what’s on your mind, or just have a general doodle.
This Inspirational Journal will:
Help you to feel inspired and enlightened each and every day.
Help you to feel motivated each and every day.
Foster positive emotions on a daily basis.
Activate a more positive mindset, daily.
Encourage new and better habits.
Help make your life happier, brighter, and feel good!
Help you reflect on yourself and your life, to understand yourself better.
Give you personal insights.
Bring greater self-awareness to give you more personal power.
When You Join Asexualise Academy Club Today You Get These Asexual And ACE FREE Gifts
Join Asexualise Academy Club right now, for just £25 a month, (that’s less than 84p a day), or if you prefer to pay weekly, you can do so now for just £6.75 a week, by clicking the link here Asexualise Academy Club Pay Weekly, and get the 4 FREEBIES pictured. So 2 versions of the journal (ACE and Non-ACE branded) and 2 versions of the Digital Art Posters (unframed) – pictured right, for FREE as a bonus gift! The blue I’m A Unicorn Digital Art Poster (unframed) is in case you’re not out as asexual, so is the journal with the blue wording, or in case you are an ally or Asexualise channel fan, but you may use all of them. All FREE!
Journals are in PDF format and the 2 Unicorn Digital Art Posters are 300DPI Print Quality, JPEG digital download, for you to print off yourself and frame yourself.
Click the link below to subscribe via PayPal, then email me asexualise@gmail.com (or contact me in the chat bubble on this site) with your Facebook profile URL – so copy and paste the details from your browser bar of your Facebook profile and email me with it, so I can add you to the Facebook group, where your freebies wait and you start your asexual personal growth and personal development journey and transform into a happier, more acesome version of you.
I’m so glad you created the Asexual Academy Club. Marissa Clifford
Why Learn From Me?
Sandra Bellamy (Aka Asexualise)
Over 5.5 years, helping, educating, and coaching asexuals, on my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel.
I was a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, in London, in 2018.
Published my first non-fiction book, Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, in 2017, and now working hard to finish writing and publishing my second, soon.
Over 8 years of personal and professional development experience; training with, and learning from, some of the best coaches in the world.
Worked as a Peer Trainer for the NHS, for the recovery of mental ill health, for over 4 years.
Done a basic counselling skills course.
Done a weekend life coaching course with The Coaching Academy. (Learned some NLP.)
Got a Level 4, Higher National Diploma in Information, Advice and Guidance. (IAG) Equivalent to foundation degree level.
Got a PTTLS Level 4 Teacher Trainer qualification.
Got a Level 4, Higher National Diploma in Administrative Procedures/Personal Assistant qualification. (HDAP) Equivalent to foundation degree level.
Done a 14 week SAFE (Stop Abuse For Everyone) course.
When you click through the link you will be taken to PayPal To subscribe to Asexualise Academy Club monthly subscription service, for a nominal fee of just £25 a month (that’s less than 84p a day), which you can cancel at any time. After you have subscribed, email me asexualise@gmail.com with your Facebook profile details, so I can invite you to join the members only club group, where all the training will take place and your monthly journal with be delivered with your FREE unicorn art posters. It’s that simple! Just download your journal and join in with the live streams, to get extra insights, coaching/training, or watch them on replay. Your email will also be added to an exclusive monthly membership newsletter, so I can send you highlights about the groups events, what’s happening, and any special offers, which you can opt out of at any time. So by giving your email you consent to that.
IF YOU LOVE JOURNALLING ON YOUR OWN AND YOU ONLY WANT TO RECEIVE A NEW INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES AND QUESTIONS FOR THE SOUL JOURNAL PREMIUM E-BOOK EACH MONTH FOR JUST £5, YOU CAN DO THAT
By Subscribing To The Asexualise Academy Inspired Journal Monthly Membership Club
Each month you will receive a new Inspirational Quotes And Questions For The Soul Journal Premium E-Book in 2 versions, the asexual branded one (with purple text on the cover) and the non-asexual branded one, (with the blue text on the cover) in case you are not out as asexual, or you or an ally or channel fan. You can choose which one to use, or both. The contents are the same inside apart from the 5 bonus blank pages at the back, which are either Asexualise Academy branded for the asexual version, or that have small thumbnail illustrations on them for the non-asexual branded version.
These will be delivered to your inbox once each month, with the email address you used to subscribe, within a monthly newsletter explaining how to get the best out of your journal, with insider secrets and help, for how to get the most amazing transformations using the journal, so an email address will be required. And the new version of the journal each month, will be with you by the 28th of each month, after you sign up. (If you sign up on the 28th or later, you will receive the latest journal so you can start journaling right away.)
If you want to use a different email for delivery of your journal, then you will need to contact me either via my chat bubble on www.asexualise.com or by email asexualise@gmail.com If you have any questions about this Asexualise Academy Inspired Journal Membership Club or Asexualise Academy club, also use those.
But Wait… There’s More… If You Want To Have A Regular Monthly ACE-Happy Chat Session Or Monthly Coaching Session, You Get Asexualise Academy Club Subscription Included In The Price – How ACETASTIC Is That?
Choose Your Favourite Subscription Plan Below, Now, To Suit Your Needs, Click Through The Link Now, To Be Taken To PayPal Secure Checkout: Don’t Have PayPal “Checkout as guest”
Plans start here:
Asexualise Academy Inspired Journal Monthly Membership
Think of this journal like your bestest friend, one you can share all your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with, without being judged, and that will comfort you in your hour of need, and make you feel better and good.
Receive a new Inspirational Quotes And Questions For The Soul Journal, Premium E-Book, for just £5 a month, in 2 versions, both the asexual branded one, and the non-asexual branded one, in case you’re not out as asexual, you’re an ally, or channel fan, every month of the year, to help keep your mind motivated, inspired, and focusing on something good. Heck, we ALL need this, with the way the world’s been lately.
Everthing you get with the Inspired Journal Monthly Membership as the Inspirational Quotes And Questions Journal comes with your Asexualise Academy Club membership. Live group training/coaching in a private Facebook Group, covering all of the topics in the “what you will learn section”, with a strong focused on improving your mindset, motivation, and overall mental health and wellbeing, as we go through the Inspirational Quotes And Questions Journal For The Soul premium E-Book, together each day, with additional coaching and training from me on the various topics, Q&A, and a monthly online meetup. To help you live your best life, and be happy.
Includes Asexualise Academy Club monthly membership for however long you stay subscribed. (So excellent value for money)
Each month you will receive a 1 hour one-to-one therapeutic audio or video chat session, via Skype or Facebook Messenger with someone who will listen and understand you. This is not a counselling session, but rather having someone regular to talk to, who has lived experience of mental health, so understands what you are going through, including depression in the past, and anxiety. Who will be that constant in your life, and who you can share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with, without being judged. So whether you are a person who experiences high levels of anxiety, or you are a secret crossdresser with no one to talk to about it, I am here for you.
Sessions will be billed every 30 days and need to booked at least 2 weeks in advance to secure your time and date within those 30 days, sessions are not rolled over, so if you don’t book your session and use it within those 30 days, you lose it. You will still retain your membership to the Asexualise Academy Club though, and get all of the benefits that go with that, and access, for however long you keep up your subscription, so you will still get the group coaching from me.
As this is one-to-one, I can only take on a limited amount of ACE-happy members, once the membership hits a certain number of members, this plan will not be available any more, and an individual ACE-Happy chat session is currently £45 without the Asexualise Academy Club, or Inspirational Journal that comes with membership, Premium E-Book. So you save £15 a month by getting this plan.
Includes Asexualise Academy Club monthly membership for however long you stay subscribed. (So excellent value for money)
Each month you will receive a 1 hour one-to-one coaching session, via Skype or Facebook Messenger, this is not a counselling session, and it’s not the same as a therapeutic ACE-happy chat session, which is more about me being a friendly ear to listen to you, to understand you, and for you to experience the acceptance and validity of your identity, as you are.
A coaching session is where we work on a specific problem you are facing in your life, and we work together to help you overcome that problem so you can move forward in your life. This involves your active participation in wanting to change yourself and your life in some way. So it requires you to actively want to make a change, and admit that not everything is alright and you want to work hard to change it, because the pain you are experiencing is just too much to bear. It requires me to ask you appropriate coaching questions for you to reflect on your life to date and current circumstances in relation to problem, and this will give you new insights that will help to remedy the situation. At least 3 coaching sessions is usually always required to help you with any problem you are facing, as we explore the problem and your current situation in the first session (or more), this is known as the exploring stage, we then dive deep into what’s really going on for you, which is the discovery and insights stage in the second session (or more), and the third session is focuses on creating a plan of action, tailored to you and your specific circumstances, to move forward in your life, which is usually the 3rd session (or more). I say more because in order to really dive deep, we could easily spend a number of sessions on each of the stages, and there may be a number of smaller stages in-between, depending on how self-aware you are and how complex the problem is that you are facing. Some people have coaching for 6 months, or a year, or on-going, to hold themselves accountable for their progress and stop them from getting into bad habits again and going off track from their plan, so that change never happens. There may be homework involved and you may want to book more that one session a month for it. But with the monthly membership, you are guaranteed at least one session a month, to keep you on track.
Sessions will be billed every 30 days and need to booked at least 2 weeks in advance to secure your time and date within those 30 days, sessions are not rolled over, so if you don’t book your session and use it within those 30 days, you lose it. You will still retain your membership to the Asexualise Academy Club though, and get all of the benefits that go with that, and access, for however long you keep up your subscription, so you will still get the group coaching from me.
As this is one-to-one, I can only take on a limited amount of coaching members, once the membership hits a certain number of members, this plan will not be available any more, and an individual coaching session is currently £80 without the Asexualise Academy Club or Inspirational Journal, Premium E-Book. So you save £25 a month by getting this plan.
But… I only want the 2 Inspirational Unicorn Art Posters, so can I get those pleassssssseee, pretty please, with unicorn magic on top! As you asked me so nicely, for £7 you can.
Posters are 300DPI A4 Print quality. So you will just need to open the 2 Jpeg files, print them out, and frame them. They look especially acetastic printed on glossy photo paper. Click the button to the right, and have your unicorn posters flown to your inbox as a digital download for you to print off yourself, within 48 hours – the carrier pigeon is in full flight right now, and the unicorn is welcoming all of the new Asexualise Academy Club members! But will be with you soon xx
In 2010, when I started this www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com blog, I knew one day I wanted Quirky Books to be my own publishing company, and in 2017, I achieved that dream, when I became a registered publisher is the UK under the name of Quirky Books.
If you are a writer who struggles to get into major bookstores with your Indie book, then you know what a huge achievement this it. If you do a Google you will see extensive research for how to ‘try’ to get your books into major bookstores. For me, I did a ton of research of what to do to reach the maximum amount of readers and bookstores, before I even read those blog posts, and before I registered as a publisher in my own right. I wanted to set myself up for success from the start. That’s why a 35 year old publishing house said I ‘successfully’ published this book, and they owned up to being unlikely to meet my sales expectations, when they wanted to have the book for their own company, remove half of the stories in it, give them all my reviews, and said I would have to ask for their permission to quote from my own book! No thank you! That’s what I said. They told me my Asexual guide To Sex – the book I am currently working hard to finish, would sell, but they weren’t prepared to take it on because it’s too risky for them, as it’s uncensored, and basically it doesn’t just paint a pretty picture of sex. But tells the good, bad, and fugly (fuck ugly) truth about sex, that everyone wants to know but is afraid to ask. They want me to propose my next 2 asexual books to them, written in their style! Well I was considering it as my dream years ago, was to be a published Author by a major publishing house, but at 10%-12% net sales, when I can make more myself and have the freedom of not censoring my books and of growing my own publishing company and brand name, it seems like an unwise choice to now do that.
My vision for Quirky Books is to continue to write high quality, predominantly non-fiction books, that change people’s lives. And to be raw, real, fresh, uncensored – Quirky – different! If I have the opportunity to write other books – such as kids books – I have already written one of these and finished it years ago, and it’s something I was to do, then I will. I haven’t published it yet as I need to pay for an illustrator and I am not well known in the kid’s market. But I will likely test the popularity of this book out as an audio book later this year. As it’s a book that rhymes, for 3-5 years old, it will sound great as an audio book, and I already have a single image for the front cover from years ago. Whoop! Whoop!
I now have people coming to me asking me how I got my book into major book stores. And contemplating shall I tell them all my secrets or not! Maybe some, all! Or maybe I will write a book about it! After all, the proof is in the pudding! If this is something you would be interesting to learn more about and you want a step-by-step guide on how to do this – let me know in the comments below and if there is enough demand for it, I might write a book about how you can do this too.
I’m so proud this book is now available to buy from Waterstones. Especially as it’s very difficult for Indie Authors to get in this store. If you read their section about Indie Authors, you will know they only take on a small percentage of Indie Author’s published work. It’s a great achievement for me personally, as a Writer, Author and Publisher, and for asexuality, as it’s a minority sexual orientation that is still barely unheard of, and deeply misunderstood.
As always, stay Quirky, write soon, and if nothing else, I hope this post has inspired you to achieve your dreams, even if it does take 7-10 years later to do it, never, ever, give up on our dreams.
So you think you know the definition of SEX? Think again… In this new series of re-defining SEX, Kirsty, who is a lesbian, is interviewing a wide range of people about what they think about sex and how they define it. And it’s not what you think! I was absolutely thrilled she asked me to take part in this series and I can’t wait for my interview to be premiered on her channel, this Sunday, 13th of September, 2020, at 9am (GMT+1). So set your alarm now, and be sure to show up!
Highlights include:
02:05 – Looking at some of the main sub categories within the Asexuality spectrum
The premiere is about 15 minutes long, but the podcast version on the Redefining Sex podcast on Spotify will be the full interview and is about 40 minutes long.
A Happy Life Without Sex – Sexuality Misconceptions Busted! Asexuality Interview With Asexual Coach and Asexual Author Sandra Bellamy.
A writer’s dream is to have people contact you, and ask to interview you and share your book to the world. This is what happened when Diane Délina, ADHD/Relationship & Sex Coach approached me, to ask to interview me on her sexuality misconceptions show. I jumped at the chance. Any opportunity to raise awareness for my very specialist topic – asexuality, is a dream come true. Watch the video now, to find out what was discussed! I think you will be surprised!
If you are a writer struggling to know if you are doing the right thing by writing books, you are. They completely change people’s lives! Never give up. To my mind, the written word is one of the most powerful ways to change lives. I know it’s my lasting legacy, for generations to come. And there is no reason why it can’t be yours too.
Quirky Books 
You must be logged in to post a comment.