I was interviewed by Catana @TransformationalArtWithCatana about how Asexuality completely transformed my life! “I love kissing but not sex.”
It all started in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor, because I was worried that I wanted a relationship and liked kissing and romance, but I didn’t like sex, and she told me, “I’m worried about you, because if you want a good guy, you will need to have sex to keep him.”
I was absolutely horrified!
This was the worst thing I could have been told…
I thought to myself, how can any guy be good for me, if they want me to do something to me, that I don’t want to do?
To me, that’s like giving a guy a license to rape me – and that’s not happening.
It meant she was telling me I can’t get love without sex, and that my only value and worth of being in a relationship with a “good” guy, is based on if I have sex with him or not!
Not only is this sending a very dangerous message to me and anyone who is counselled by her…
… it’s the equivalent of saying that anyone who doesn’t have sex, cannot get a “good” guy, so they can’t have a “good” relationship, and aren’t worthy of love.
So what happens to all the people who are not asexual, but who can’t have sex because their disability or special needs, makes it impossible to do that and too painful???
What happens to all the impotent people in the world who can’t have sex???
Do these people also, not deserved to be loved without sex?
Do the they just end up with “bad” guys, because having sex, somehow changes a bad guy into a good guy???
I don’t think so. If they are a bad guy, having sex with them is not going to make them good.
What a load of bullshit.
And if people measure how much they are loved in a relationship by the amount of sex they are or are not having, they are valuing their own worth on how much contact they have with another person’s genitals, which they can’t control, – so there’s no wonder there are high divorced rates, broken relationships, and people feeling unloved and worthless.
So I went back home and Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and this is what happened next…
Do You Want More Passion, Sensuality And Satisfaction, In Your Dating And Relationships? If yes, then Erogenousity is for you! Watch the video above to discover the 3 needs you must know, for more passion, sensuality and satisfaction, in your dating and relationships! And subscribe for more practical dating and relationship advice!
Are you fed up of being dateless? Are you confused by today’s technology and how to successfully date in today’s online world? Is your relationship stale and passionless?
If you are struggling with dating in today’s modern times, if you are fed up of feeling alone – even if you are in a relationship, or getting people who are just mismatched and no good for you, Erogenousity is for you!
Erogenousity, is all about being erogenously generous with your partner or date. It takes a holistic and practical approach to dating and relationships, and takes into account, body, mind, soul, and the senses, for ultimate match success.
Erogenousity is my new YouTube show for men and women who want more passion, sensuality and satisfaction, in their dating and relationships. Who are fed up with all the mind games and manipulation techniques being shoved down their throat by other dating and relationship coaches, and who are looking for guidance from a modern 21st century dating and relationship coach, that can show you how to have loving, healthy, happy, dating and relationships.
Many of you know that I help asexuals, those who lack sexual attraction, on my reality TV chat show for asexuals www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife and as you know, I am asexual myself. After 5 years of coaching asexuals in how to have loving, healthy, and happy, dating and relationships on that channel, and being approached by more and more sexuals for dating and relationship advice, I decided I need to help more people. I also discovered through my own asexual life journey, that although I don’t experience any sexual attraction, I still have a hugely erogenous side to my nature, especially with a guy’s upper body, and I have had sex in the past, so can help a lot more people than I’m currently helping.
In this video I explain why it’s essential to self-date and the benefits of self-dating. If you could do with more self-love in your life, please watch this video and subscribe for more life hacks videos on how to live your best life, be your best self, and live your purpose, at www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV Don’t forget to hit that bell icon so you get notified of every time I go live or post a new video. As always with any live stream, the sound may not be the best, but I hope the content will be so valuable to you, that you will enjoy learning more about self-dating and take a lot of self love from it.
If you didn’t know April 24th was my birthday. My 3rd 21st Mindset birthday. Yes, I totally believe in choosing what mindset age you want to live, and what lifestyle you want to live too. I live like a teenager and absolutely love it that way. I have high octane energy, and like a Duracell battery, I continue on and on. Which is great when living on your own, but not great if living with someone else, as I am wide awake when they want to sleep. That is why ideally I want an LAT, Living Apart Together Relationship. Luckily for me, I am single once again. Yes, I did briefly have a boyfriend, and he was in his early 20s so younger than me, which is what I like, but British, not foreign, so that was surprising for me, as I am usually only attracted to foreign guys, but it didn’t work out, so the single life is where I definitely want to be staying at right now. I love my unconventional lifestyle, and don’t want to change it and make me miserable in the process, it’s actually just a natural part of me to live like this, go to sleep in the early hours, between 2am-4am usually, and I love it. The night is my creative companion, and I am sure if you are a writer, creative, or entrepreneur, you will understand. You have to live your life for you, and do what makes you happy, not conform to what other expect of you!!! I don’t do normal, I just do me!
Yes, I have been a bit quiet on this blog, because of that, and also because I was trying to transfer web hosts due to my website being hacked again, (Google “Just Host Site Lock Scam” and you will see why), but that didn’t work out either, with many red flags from the new host and a bill I was not expecting. So after researching and finding no better host, I am sticking to the host I have been with for 10 years for now. Minus the 7 .co.uk domains I have, that have been transferred to the new host I got my money back with, and apparently cannot transfer back!!! So I will have my domains spread over two places, which sucks. Also, I have yet another new business idea and new brand, which I already bought the domain for, and it won’t be what you are expecting!!! I am currently working on the site so may be a bit quieter here for a while, especially as I am still finishing setting up a new digital asset business.
If you didn’t already know, I am asexual in sexual orientation, meaning I lack sexual attraction. And I am a heteroromantic – meaning I just get attracted to guys romantically, not sexually. So yes, I would like to have an asexual boyfriend who is romantic in the future, if I met the right asexual guy, but I haven’t met him yet and happy to be single again right now. I am very different to many other asexuals as I don’t like nudity, but I do like passionate kissing without sex. I mean really passionate. So my behaviour when kissing, can be very sexually passionate in nature, yet I have zero sexual attraction, and never like to have sex, or want to these days. And I also like to keep my clothes on when kissing. I have no problem kissing, sucking and licking a guy’s top half, but the bottom half he can keep for himself. With this is mind, I am creating a new website brand which is about how to discover erogenous zones that will entice and excite your partner to make them feel like they are in erogenous ecstasy and begging you for more. This is partly way out of my comfort zone, in the fact I don’t personally like sex for me these days, but I had good and bad sex in the past, so I know the difference. I was also in heterosexual relationships for 19 years of my life and have done most things you can imagine with kissing, sucking, and licking, a guy’s body, and I did that naked, so I know what works. I believe I can help others to be in erogenous ecstasy, without it necessarily leading to sex, unless you want it to. Erogenousity is my new brand and it’s all about giving erogenous generosity to your partner – hence the brand name being a combination of erogenous and generosity. So it comes from a very loving and sexually fulfilling place, in which you want to explore your partners erogenous zones and have a ton of fun and excitement together, where you badly want each other over and over again, with or without sex. I see so many guys have stick in her culture, and no woman wants a guy to just stick it in her, it’s boring and unfulfilling. So this brand will greatly improve your love life if you have been struggling to get and keep a relationship. It will open your ears and your senses, and make you feel weak at the knees!!! I will also be covering safety, mindset, attitude, how to have a good relationship, and dangerous people you need to avoid. As I have been helping asexuals since 2015 with dating and relationships, and still continue to do so, I figured it’s time I branched out and helped those struggling to get and keep a romantic relationship, regardless of sexuality, because you lack the skills, tools and techniques, to know just where your partner does want to be tickled pink!
This blog is where I tell you exclusives, and this is the most exclusive, exciting, and also scary brand of all, because I will be teaching things I never shared with anyone before! At least not until now!! I hope you will support me on my journey to make more people sexually satisfied, with or without the sex itself. No intercourse required! When there is no intercourse, and passion without sex is present, wanting your special person increases more, making for a far more interesting, physically exciting, and constantly enticing relationship, so you can’t wait to get out of the office and see what wonders await you! And if you do want sex, it will be far more sensual and explosive than you ever imagined, because you will be making love, not having mindless sex for the sake of it. It will draw you closer to your partner, and create a deeper level of trust and intimacy than you ever imagined possible!
Please let me know what you think of my new brand and how out will help you, by writing in the comments below 👉 👉 👉 Let me know what struggles you are facing to create passion and excitement in your love life so I know best how to help you.
Until next time, embrace your quirky and write soon
Sandra xx
I am really proud to be featured talking about asexuality dating. Since being a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I am on the Asexuality.org (AVEN) Media and Speaker team, so very proud of that!
After work, I am going for a meal in Nandos and then the cinema, with healthy popcorn to eat.
It’s important to date yourself, to reconnect with your inner being and the essence of who you are.
When we have relationships with others; whether that is with family, friends or loved ones, it can be amazing, and you can gain a lot through interaction and spending time with each other. You can also lose yourself if you don’t take action to spend time with yourself doing what you love and what were born to do. If you lose yourself, you can feel disorientated, surreal, and like you are living through others. You could be in effect be killing your own personality off in the process, and losing your quirky self. This can transpire into anxiety, nervousness or even panic, which will then affect your relationships.
When sharing activities with others, such as going to the cinema, a pub or a club, you need to consider what they want to watch and where they want to go too. There is a sense of caring and nuturing about those around you, and to be caring and thoughtful, is a beautiful thing. However, sometimes it’s good just to go somewhere on your own and do whatever you want, whenever you want. To feel free and be uncompromised. To strip it back to the bear essentials of what is true to you. To be your naked, quirky self. Once you reignite or reinforce your passion and love for yourself, it allows others to love you more.
If you are worried about taking time out to date yourself, because of what others may think or feel, just explain to them what’s going on, and that you need some quality ‘you’ time to bond with yourself. That it doesn’t mean you care, like, or love them any less. You need to feel stronger in yourself, to be able to give your best to them. So long as you are communicating it in a way that will enhance your relationship with them, and they don’t feel you are cutting them off, then why should they mind.
Another thing you can do, is to set ‘special’ time aside for them, after your date with yourself. So in effect, you are giving them some bonding time with you to look forward to, and rewarding their understanding of dating yourself.
If you are in a relationship and you both love dating yourself, you may be able to co-ordinate your ‘you’ time, so you are both dating yourself at the same time. Thereby taking less time out of your together time. Similarly, if one of you is with their friends and family, that is a great opportunity to date yourself, providing you haven’t got any outstanding things to do, that would stress you out if they didn’t get done.
Whatever you decide to do, spending quality dating time with yourself is a must. Even if you have got 55,000 tasks to do. It’s essential for your own happiness, health and wellbeing. So go and enjoy it and have fun.
How do you date yourself?
You can read more about reconnecting with your inner being, in my new Break through the barriers of redundancy book. That will be available to buy on Amazon.
Until next time; embrace your quirky, write soon, and stay positive.
Quirky Books 