It all started in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor, because I was worried that I wanted a relationship and liked kissing and romance, but I didn’t like sex, and she told me, “I’m worried about you, because if you want a good guy, you will need to have sex to keep him.”
I was absolutely horrified!
This was the worst thing I could have been told…
I thought to myself, how can any guy be good for me, if they want me to do something to me, that I don’t want to do?
To me, that’s like giving a guy a license to rape me – and that’s not happening.
It meant she was telling me I can’t get love without sex, and that my only value and worth of being in a relationship with a “good” guy, is based on if I have sex with him or not!
Not only is this sending a very dangerous message to me and anyone who is counselled by her…
… it’s the equivalent of saying that anyone who doesn’t have sex, cannot get a “good” guy, so they can’t have a “good” relationship, and aren’t worthy of love.
So what happens to all the people who are not asexual, but who can’t have sex because their disability or special needs, makes it impossible to do that and too painful???
What happens to all the impotent people in the world who can’t have sex???
Do these people also, not deserved to be loved without sex?
Do the they just end up with “bad” guys, because having sex, somehow changes a bad guy into a good guy???
I don’t think so. If they are a bad guy, having sex with them is not going to make them good.
What a load of bullshit.
And if people measure how much they are loved in a relationship by the amount of sex they are or are not having, they are valuing their own worth on how much contact they have with another person’s genitals, which they can’t control, – so there’s no wonder there are high divorced rates, broken relationships, and people feeling unloved and worthless.
So I went back home and Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and this is what happened next…
Ever heard of asexuality? Or thought you might be asexual, because you just don’t feel the same way about sex as others do?
“The book was a revelation for me. It showed me, not just through Sandra’s view, but through the perspective of 46 other people, that asexuality wasn’t something that made me broken, and that many other people shared at least some of my experiences. And also that maybe I wasn’t destined to be alone forever.”
Check out this full review of my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book. And don’t forget to go to Amazon and grab your copy now! Here https://amzn.to/3LpCiJC
I thought that I would do a review of a book written by Sandra Bellamy regarding asexuality. She has written a few books (I’ll likely review others) and is currently writing another as I write this, which should hopefully be available soon.
The book I shall discuss today is “Asexual Perspectives, 47 Asexual Stories” with the extended title “LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACEelebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY”.
Asexual Perspectives was released in 2017 by Sandra Bellamy, who has her own publishing imprint.
Before I discovered asexuality, in 2014, I thought that I was alone and broken. Even once I had discovered asexuality, for the first few years it was still difficult to come to terms with. Most people weren’t asexual, and most of my relationships/dating experiences were failures because they were all with sexual people, and I simply had no interest in sexual activity. I had tried to do some sexual…
In 2010, when I started this www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com blog, I knew one day I wanted Quirky Books to be my own publishing company, and in 2017, I achieved that dream, when I became a registered publisher is the UK under the name of Quirky Books.
If you are a writer who struggles to get into major bookstores with your Indie book, then you know what a huge achievement this it. If you do a Google you will see extensive research for how to ‘try’ to get your books into major bookstores. For me, I did a ton of research of what to do to reach the maximum amount of readers and bookstores, before I even read those blog posts, and before I registered as a publisher in my own right. I wanted to set myself up for success from the start. That’s why a 35 year old publishing house said I ‘successfully’ published this book, and they owned up to being unlikely to meet my sales expectations, when they wanted to have the book for their own company, remove half of the stories in it, give them all my reviews, and said I would have to ask for their permission to quote from my own book! No thank you! That’s what I said. They told me my Asexual guide To Sex – the book I am currently working hard to finish, would sell, but they weren’t prepared to take it on because it’s too risky for them, as it’s uncensored, and basically it doesn’t just paint a pretty picture of sex. But tells the good, bad, and fugly (fuck ugly) truth about sex, that everyone wants to know but is afraid to ask. They want me to propose my next 2 asexual books to them, written in their style! Well I was considering it as my dream years ago, was to be a published Author by a major publishing house, but at 10%-12% net sales, when I can make more myself and have the freedom of not censoring my books and of growing my own publishing company and brand name, it seems like an unwise choice to now do that.
My vision for Quirky Books is to continue to write high quality, predominantly non-fiction books, that change people’s lives. And to be raw, real, fresh, uncensored – Quirky – different! If I have the opportunity to write other books – such as kids books – I have already written one of these and finished it years ago, and it’s something I was to do, then I will. I haven’t published it yet as I need to pay for an illustrator and I am not well known in the kid’s market. But I will likely test the popularity of this book out as an audio book later this year. As it’s a book that rhymes, for 3-5 years old, it will sound great as an audio book, and I already have a single image for the front cover from years ago. Whoop! Whoop!
I now have people coming to me asking me how I got my book into major book stores. And contemplating shall I tell them all my secrets or not! Maybe some, all! Or maybe I will write a book about it! After all, the proof is in the pudding! If this is something you would be interesting to learn more about and you want a step-by-step guide on how to do this – let me know in the comments below and if there is enough demand for it, I might write a book about how you can do this too.
I’m so proud this book is now available to buy from Waterstones. Especially as it’s very difficult for Indie Authors to get in this store. If you read their section about Indie Authors, you will know they only take on a small percentage of Indie Author’s published work. It’s a great achievement for me personally, as a Writer, Author and Publisher, and for asexuality, as it’s a minority sexual orientation that is still barely unheard of, and deeply misunderstood.
There is nothing more exciting and rewarding for a writer/published Author, than changing people’s lives through your own written words. But being interviewed about your non-fiction author journey and book, is just the icing on the cake.
A Happy Life Without Sex – Sexuality Misconceptions Busted! Asexuality Interview With Asexual Coach and Asexual Author Sandra Bellamy.
A writer’s dream is to have people contact you, and ask to interview you and share your book to the world. This is what happened when Diane Délina, ADHD/Relationship & Sex Coach approached me, to ask to interview me on her sexuality misconceptions show. I jumped at the chance. Any opportunity to raise awareness for my very specialist topic – asexuality, is a dream come true. Watch the video now, to find out what was discussed! I think you will be surprised!
If you are a writer struggling to know if you are doing the right thing by writing books, you are. They completely change people’s lives! Never give up. To my mind, the written word is one of the most powerful ways to change lives. I know it’s my lasting legacy, for generations to come. And there is no reason why it can’t be yours too.
Listen to my interview about Asexuality and my personal Asexual story on the Straight Up Gay Podcast – and no, I am not gay, I am a heteroromatic asexual – attracted to guys (hetero), I don’t want sex, love kissing and romance, but asexuality is tagged onto the LGBT+ QIA Acronym. Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual. Although Asexuality is about who you are not sexually attracted to – no one, whereas the other identities are based on who they are sexually attracted to.
If you haven’t yet checked out my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book on Amazon, it is an insightful read, even if you are not asexual, so be sure to check it out now!! http://amzn.to/2gKnsDs
In broad terms Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but what does this actually mean for those who identify with this sexual orientation? And what do asexuals really think of love, life and sex?
Whilst all asexuals have one thing in common – the lack of sexual attraction towards a specific person, we are all different in our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. This can make fitting into the asexual spectrum and finding a suitable relationship difficult.
Right now, there are a number of myths about asexuality and stereotypes – even within the asexual community, about what asexuals do and do not like, should and should not do, and these need to be addressed and broken through!
If you identify as asexual do you –
Struggle to have a voice in this sexualized world?
Have no one to relate to?
Find it difficult to find others like you?
Feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language where sex is concerned?
Or are you unsure of your identity and sometimes get confused and you want to know what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, and what experiences they have had or are having; and how they manage their relationships? If so, then look no further than this book. In this book you will discover asexuals who feel just like you.
In this book I will reveal my own asexual perspective and personal story as well as perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe; dispelling myths and breaking stereotypes; sharing their own personal journey to help you in yours and with a surprising over-riding message!
In this book you will:
•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.
•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.
•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!
•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.
•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.
•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.
•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.
•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.
•Uncover the positives about being asexual.
•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.
I feel truly blessed that all interviewees have been willing to open up and share their most intimate moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions with you. What you are about to read is unique, amazing, interesting, sometimes candidly humorous, fascinating and insightful. This is their story, now it’s their time to tell it.
Heteroromantic, Author Sandra Bellamy is the founder of www.asexualise.com, with products, resources and services for asexuals. She sees herself as an ambassador for asexuality and is on a mission to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. By purchasing this book you will gain a deeper understanding of this often misunderstood sexual orientation and help to spread awareness of asexuality at the same time. We may be small in numbers, but we can still make a huge difference to the world at large and celebrate our diversity.
For something that I knew nothing about, this book was an upfront and personal invitation to dialogue with the asexuality community. I’m appreciative to the author for her dedication to give voice and visibility to a sexual orientation that currently has little in modern society and media. It’s amazing how different the people in this book are and how different their stories are. I thank them for their bravery and willingness to share their lives.
If you or someone else would like a harmless, cheap, enlightening, insightful, serious, and even entertaining read, then this is your next book.
I was absolutely thrilled to read this Awesome 5 Star Asexual Perspectives book review, from someone who is completely new to asexuality. They obviously thoroughly enjoyed reading Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories Book so much, and captured the spirit of this book in their review words. I was so happy they not only liked reading the book, but that the praise and recognition for the visibility of our orientation, is so greatly received.
This feels so good as a writer, that people love my written work, and it is written that well that people outside our asexual orientation, can understand it.
This awesome Asexual Perspectives Unboxing video is from an avid Asexualise fan. I could feel his excitement come through the screen. Watch it and see what you think!!
I feel so very blessed to have interviewed 46 Asexuals around the globe for this 560 page book – it is a very different Asexual book!!! And it feels wonderful as an author, to know that my book is making a difference to other’s lives, this is why my number one passion is writing – the ability to literally change lives through the written word, just cannot be beat. And when it is teamed with my other passion, asexuality, it feels like I am floating on a bed of aceness!! Thanks for all your support, stay quirky and write soon xx Get the book here http://amzn.to/2tu7EsE And it is on Amazon Expanded Distribution so you can request it in book stores!!