In broad terms, asexuality is a sexual orientation that is based on the lack of sexual attraction. This means we don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse.
Sexual attraction = being sexually attracted towards a specific person/people.
Sexual desire = desiring the sex itself.
Arousal = a feeling in your genitalia.
Asexuality is also a spectrum, ranging from those who experience zero sexual attraction, known as a “pure” asexual, to those do experience sexual attraction, only under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience it, but not enough to want to act on it – known as a “grey” asexual.
Some asexuals are sex repulsed and will never have sex and hate it, others are sex neutral and don’t care whether they have sex or not. Others are sex positive and will/do have sex.
Some asexuals hate porn and will never watch it.
Other asexuals do watch porn.
Some asexuals masturbate.
Others asexuals feel sick at the idea of masturbation and it makes them want to throw up – just like some sex repulsed asexuals want to throw up when they hear the word sex.
Some asexuals are into BDSM – even without sex.
Other asexuals can’t stand BDSM and they want to run mile even hearing those words.
What is asexuality? What does it mean to be asexual? What is grey asexual? What’s a pure asexual? What is the asexual spectrum?
Watch the What Is Asexuality – YouTube #shorts video above and read the asexual flags below, to find out…
If you are new to asexuality, or you want more help understanding the asexual spectrum, and how to navigate dating, relationships, and life, as an asexual, in a highly sexualised world, I have been helping asexual for over 6 years now on my Asexualise channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife that you can subscribe to, which will help you with many aspects about asexuality, and especially dating and relationships. I usual live stream daily and you can ask me anything you want in chat there.
If you are still discovering about asexuality and more about the asexual spectrum, I have a Free Asexuality Basics For Beginners course that you can sign up to here that also shows you what the asexual spectrum is www.asexualiseacademy.com
I also wrote a book and interviewed 46 asexuals around the globe and across the asexual spectrum for it, https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3 What is good about this book, is it does not just give text book definitions of orientations across the asexual spectrum, it shows you them, through their answers and the personal details they share. It answers most questions you could think of about love, life, and sex, from an asexual point of view, including those you feel afraid to ask!!
You may have thought I had disappeared off planet earth. The fact is, I was never on it in the first place, lol! I was on planet Quirky Books and that is pretty much where I have been and working a lot on my publication of my Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook, which is now out in both Kindle AND print, as well as writing and working with my asexual interviewees for my second book for Asexuals, which is called Asexual Guide To Sex and will literally be the best book on sex ever written and literally change your understanding of sex as you know it, it will be a MUST read book! I also haven’t been too well and had an infection that I was treated for, as well as low blood pressure. I had to have a blood test yesterday for further investigation of why I kept feeling dizzy, and I have a fear of needles and blood so that was difficult for me to do that.
This week is Asexual Awareness Week in case you didn’t already know, and on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel I have been doing a series of videos about asexuality to raise awareness and understanding of this sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction. Tonight, at 7pm UK time GMT, I have a live interview with my Asexual best friend who identifies as Non-binary. So I will be talking to them about how they first discovered they are asexual and about gender identity, particularly what is means to be non-binary! Make sure you subscribe to my channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife and hit the bell icon so you get notified of every time I go live or post a new video on my Asexualise channel. I try to live stream every day usually after 11pm at night and you can catch up with it afterwards if you miss an episode. Tonight’s episode is at the much earlier time of 7pm. Even if you are not asexual, supporters and those taking a genuine interest in what asexuality is, are always welcome to join in the live chat.
If you are questioning as to whether you may be asexual or you want to know more about asexuality, please watch this video!
If you have any questions about asexuality after watching these videos, please comment below!
I am with my Asexual best friend from today for 5 days in total and doing lots of fun stuff, including going to the Disney on Ice show on Saturday and it’s their birthday on Monday, so we are having a pre-birthday asexual group meetup on Sunday and going to Plymouth Aquarium on Monday, to see the new Terminator movie and eating in Nandos. In effect it’s 5 days of birthday fun for them and me, because I feel like it’s my birthday too! They are one of the bestest friends I have ever had in my life! So pleased I met them, they make the world a more special and precious place, just by being in it!
If you want to read more about asexuality, you can get a copy of my first book for asexuals, ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 Asexual Stories: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY, here https://amzn.to/31OkTlA
Until next time, always stay quirky and write soon.
Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017. Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I asexual?” And, “What is Asexuality?
Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!!
The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!
Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife
So you may have read about my Asexual Perspectives book being published, but just what is Asexuality and what does it mean to be asexual? Watch this video to find out more and read my book description below. Asexual Perspectives is currently available to read for free on Amazon for ‘Kindle Unlimited’ readers, so what have you got to lose by finding out more?
In broad terms Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but what does this actually mean for those who identify with this sexual orientation? And what do asexuals really think of love, life and sex?
Whilst all asexuals have one thing in common – the lack of sexual attraction towards a specific person, we are all different in our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. This can make fitting into the asexual spectrum and finding a suitable relationship difficult.
Right now, there are a number of myths about asexuality and stereotypes – even within the asexual community, about what asexuals do and do not like, should and should not do, and these need to be addressed and broken through!
If you identify as asexual do you –
Struggle to have a voice in this sexualized world?
Have no one to relate to?
Find it difficult to find others like you?
Feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language where sex is concerned?
Or are you unsure of your identity and sometimes get confused and you want to know what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, and what experiences they have had or are having; and how they manage their relationships? If so, then look no further than this book. In this book you will discover asexuals who feel just like you.
In this book I will reveal my own asexual perspective and personal story as well as perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe; dispelling myths and breaking stereotypes; sharing their own personal journey to help you in yours and with a surprising over-riding message!
In this book you will:
•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.
•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.
•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!
•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.
•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.
•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.
•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.
•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.
•Uncover the positives about being asexual.
•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.
I feel truly blessed that all interviewees have been willing to open up and share their most intimate moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions with you. What you are about to read is unique, amazing, interesting, sometimes candidly humorous, fascinating and insightful. This is their story, now it’s their time to tell it.
Heteroromantic Author Sandra Bellamy, is the founder of www.asexualise.com, with products, resources and services for asexuals. She sees herself as an ambassador for asexuality and is on a mission to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. By purchasing this book you will gain a deeper understanding of this often misunderstood sexual orientation and help to spread awareness of asexuality at the same time. We may be small in numbers, but we can still make a huge difference to the world at large and celebrate our diversity.