I Love Kissing But Not Sex – How Asexuality Transformed My Life – With Asexual Author Sandra Bellamy


I was interviewed by Catana @TransformationalArtWithCatana  about how Asexuality completely transformed my life! “I love kissing but not sex.”

It all started in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor, because I was worried that I wanted a relationship and liked kissing and romance, but I didn’t like sex, and she told me, “I’m worried about you, because if you want a good guy, you will need to have sex to keep him.”

I was absolutely horrified!

This was the worst thing I could have been told…

I thought to myself, how can any guy be good for me, if they want me to do something to me, that I don’t want to do?

To me, that’s like giving a guy a license to rape me – and that’s not happening.

It meant she was telling me I can’t get love without sex, and that my only value and worth of being in a relationship with a “good” guy, is based on if I have sex with him or not!

Not only is this sending a very dangerous message to me and anyone who is counselled by her…

… it’s the equivalent of saying that anyone who doesn’t have sex, cannot get a “good” guy, so they can’t have a “good” relationship, and aren’t worthy of love.

So what happens to all the people who are not asexual, but who can’t have sex because their disability or special needs, makes it impossible to do that and too painful???

What happens to all the impotent people in the world who can’t have sex???

Do these people also, not deserved to be loved without sex?

Do the they just end up with “bad” guys, because having sex, somehow changes a bad guy into a good guy???

I don’t think so. If they are a bad guy, having sex with them is not going to make them good.

What a load of bullshit.

And if people measure how much they are loved in a relationship by the amount of sex they are or are not having, they are valuing their own worth on how much contact they have with another person’s genitals, which they can’t control, – so there’s no wonder there are high divorced rates, broken relationships, and people feeling unloved and worthless.

So I went back home and Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and this is what happened next…

I love kissing but not sex podcast interview.

Becoming An Asexual Entrepreneur On Dreams ARE Real Podcast Interview


As asexuality is a sexual orientation largely based on a lack of sexual attraction, it can be hard to make our own voice heard.

Especially as sexual stereotypes and societal conditioning tell everyone that it’s natural to like, want, and need sex, and that anyone who says otherwise must be lying or have something wrong with them.

People tend to discard what they don’t understand.

They tend to disregard what is considered as “not” normal.

And they tend to feel extremely uncomfortable when something doesn’t fit in with their ideology. 

But I encourage you to always stand proud of who you are, and to stop listening to what other people say, that drowns out the sound of your own voice. 😍

Asexuals have as much right to speak out about how they think and feel, including if they don’t like, want, or need sex, and have the right to be taken seriously. 😍

Just because asexuality is a minority sexuality, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong and not normal. 

It’s normal for SOME people to not like, want, need, or get the urge for, partnered sexual intercourse, ever. 😍

Don’t let anyone blind you into believing we are all the same – because we are not. 

There ARE people who never want sex, and that’s okay. 😍

The only reason most people don’t speak out, is because other’s ridicule them and tell you, you can’t be who you are born to be. 

I am here to show you, you can. 

That your life is your own and that speaking up, in your own voice, is essential to live your own life dreams and no one else’s. Regardless of your sexuality.

That’s why I’m thrilled to be able to give a voice to the voiceless, and share my own asexual life journey of how I became known as The Asexual Entrepreneur and explain what it feels like to be asexual in this highly sexualised world, and how to live your asexual dreams and be your true authentic self, no matter what, on the Dreams ARE Real podcast.

Don’t miss this ACE episode by listening through either of the links below, now, and tell me what you think…

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-182-becoming-an-asexual-entrepreneur-with/id1480067188?i=1000558237426

How To Shift Your Mindset From Writer And Author To Your Own Book Publishing Business


Ever wanted to own your own Book Publishing Business but you keep doubting yourself that you can? Or maybe you have never considered it, because you always thought traditional publishing was the way to go … no, and in this post I reveal why, and how you can stop doubting yourself for good. If that sounds like something you want to know more about, read on…

From 2nd October 2020, I went through hell, with mental, physical, and emotional trauma. It took me a year to leave a day job (October 10th 2021 was the day I officially left), that made me really poorly because of things that went on which I wasn’t expecting and didn’t deserve, and I was off sick from for a long time (so been able to self-isolate a lot more than those who work and keep myself safer). I can’t currently discuss more about this publicly for legal reasons and might never be able to, but I think you get my point.

I went back to therapy for the first time since 2014, and was unofficially diagnosed with PTSD – I got an assessment score of 49. A score of 32 and above means you have the condition. Furthermore I was diagnosed with complex PTSD (CPTSD) as I have had uncontrollable emotions, and was crying almost every day I woke up, until 16th of December – when everything changed for the better, for good.

In November last year (2021), I went out clubbing for the first time ever since March 2020, for 5.5 hours, this was the first time since I broke my ankle back on 17th of April 2021 and I’ve done extensive physio to walk again and regain strength in that ankle enough to go clubbing. It was the longest I had clubbed for, since I went to Ministry Of Sound in London, in 2014. 2 days later I got sick with a respiratory/chest infection and lost my voice. I had to have 3 lots of antibiotics in 6 weeks and was still coughing on Christmas Day and on New Year’s Day I was battling with severe rib and chest pain – like someone had stabbed me with a knife in-between my ribs and left the knife in (even though they hadn’t), to the point where the next day it hurt me every time I breathed in (and felt like I was being cut with glass, on top of the feeling I had a knife in my ribs), and later I went to A&E on the advice of my local NHS Walk In Centre and Devon Doctors on call, who suggested a rib and chest XRay respectively. But instead of having an XRay I ended up in a Covid hot room, about to have a bed made up for me, a monitor hooked up to me, and blood tests taken, when I didn’t have Covid and all my tests for that had been negative. I was horrified! It was like something out of a surreal horror movie. They put my life at risk unnecessarily, because I had purposefully been keeping myself safe from getting it as I have a low immune system (which I take good liquid bacteria for) and too many allergies to have the vaccine. And there was a patient who was in the same room as me that I heard them diagnose with Covid right before the Doctor saw me, and I told them all my tests were negative for that – including the one I had done at 8am New Year’s Day, before visiting my parents and my guinea pig daughter Angel who lives with them. Their reasoning being I was in the hot room they said before the Doctor saw me, was because I had had a cough – I already told them I don’t think I coughed once that day, and the Doctor I saw before Christmas who said I had a chest infection, with some infection still in my lungs, said I would still be coughing after I finished the antibiotics she gave me and I had some rib pain then, just not as severe. They also said it was because many people have Covid and I am not vaccinated, which I felt were ridiculous reasons, just because lots of people have it and I am unvaccinated, doesn’t mean to say I would have it.

During the time I got sick (I got my first lot of antibiotics on 16th of November), I was forced to rest during that month as much as possible – although I did do some work on my Asexual Guide To Sex book, and take stock of my life, reflect on it, and what I really want to do with me life and make some drastic changes to it. For years I have had a voice in my head being a coach to myself that said, if you only just focused on writing books for the next 1-2 years and nothing else, what do you think your life would be like? And how much better it would be. But I was always crying, upset, and in pain from this, because I hadn’t made the decision to go all in before, I kept going off on tangents because people kept telling me I am not making enough money from my writing and I kept telling myself that. They told me I can’t make enough money from writing books, that basically it’s an add on to a business, not the business, and that I need to do something else to make money, because otherwise I will fail. And some of the people have years of business experience and made hundreds of thousands of pounds, one has even made billions, and published his own book. But… these people do not specialise in a book publishing business, they don’t focus on book publishing, they just use it as one asset in their tool box. For me, writing is my life and soul purpose, and my destiny given to me by God is to have lots of books out and publish by the time I die, so I can continue to save lives long after I am gone. I see that in my destiny and soul purpose (along with helping asexuals and getting asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in it’s own right, so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. – That’s why I loooove writing books for asexuals. As it’s both my life and soul purpose in one).

As the beginning of December, I started working my way through the first 2 module of Ray Edwards – How To Set Up A Copywriting Business, video training course, that I bought on a late Black Friday deal. This course teaches you how to start a copywriting business and get clients. But… I only finished the first two modules, which apply to any writing business. That’s when it hit me twofold in the most profound way, and I love Ray for helping me figure this out.

  1. He said to, never be influenced by those who say you can’t do something, influence yourself enough to know you can. (This is because he was talking about copywriting is all about influencing others, but first you must be able to influence yourself – that’s it! The thing that changed the way I think.)
  2. Writing is a business and you can make thousands of pounds from it.

I didn’t need any more of that course, because that was enough to know I don’t want to work for someone else and write copy for others. I want to write more and more non-fiction books that change lives and leave a lasting legacy. And the 2 things I needed to do to accomplish that, is to influence myself enough to know I can make thousands of pounds and a full-time living as a writer. And to focus on book writing as a business.

I had a wobble…

Self-doubt crept back in…

But on 16th of December 2021 my best friend Andy took me for a meal in Nandos as an early Christmas present. (He also bought me some pressies too for Christmas Day.) Before we went out, we discussed my self-doubt and I was trying to understand why I didn’t fully believe in my intention, when I did the previous week. But then it hit me as I came out of the toilet in Nandos, what made the difference, so I was able to go all in… It was a mindset shift, from I am a Writer and Author, with my own publishing imprint of Quirky Books, which is fantastic, to I am the Writer, Author, Manager, Promoter, And Marketer, of my Book Publishing Business. But the most important thing to remember is Writer, Author, Owner, Manager, Promoter – (which involves far more self-promotion as part of a marketing strategy to sell more books), of my own Book Publishing Business of Quirky Books. And that’s when I decided to go all in and commit 100% to creating a successful book publishing business, rather just seeing myself as an Author and Writer.

I don’t think it’s the books that’s the problem – why I have lower sales than I would like, I think it’s me and my mindset that needs to change. I think I need to ensure that I promote myself and my books far more and get a lot more publicity going forward. Such as get on more podcasts, be in more online magazine articles, get more radio interviews, and so much more. Which I will be doing with my Asexual Guide To Sex book – so watch this space for that. I’m so excited! I think mindset is so overlooked when it comes to book sales, or lack thereof.

Last year I studied an expert in mindset shifting. He said instead of affirmations, you need to look for confirmations. Which is proof you can do it or have done it before. Which I am able to do with writing non-fiction books. I am a successful Author and writer who can make money from writing and publishing books, because I have consistent monthly income from once book since 2017, and another since 2019, even though I would like a much higher income from those, it’s still proof I can make consistent sales for years, when some people don’t make any sales at all. Also, a couple of years ago, a traditional publisher that had been in business for 35 years, found my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book in an LGBT shop in London and approached me on Twitter to tell me they were interested in publishing my book under their publishing imprint, but…:

  • They wanted to remove half the stories (because the ones including any mention of sexual abuse, would not be suitable for their publishing style and image, and it would make the book cheaper to sell, and they had a maximum price they would sell the book for.) Bear in mind the book is called “Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories“, it would mean changing the title also, and my audience getting less valuable stories.
  • They also wanted all of my reviews I had built up myself over the years. (Now I am not sure if that would have been possible anyway, because if they removed some of the stories and the title changed, it would have in essence made it a different book, and I don’t think KDP would have allowed that.)
  • I would have to ask their permission to quote from my own book (no thank you). I sell a lot of my books by quoting from them – so if you haven’t already tried to do this, I highly recommend it.
  • They wanted me to read another book to replicate that person’s style (no thank you, I want to keep my own style).
  • I would have got a maximum of 12% commission on book sales, even after the representative from their company had just told me on the phone I would have got 15%, he then reduced that figure in the follow up email. (Which immediately made me trust them less.) I get up to 70% through publishing my books myself using KDP.
  • In the end they agreed with me not take that book on themselves as they spoke to their marketing team and said because I have so successfully published that book, they doubt they could meet my marketing expectations.
  • They refused to take on my Asexual Sex Guide To Sex book, which they wanted to consider, and I had to apply to them to consider, because again, it has some stories which include sexual abuse and they thought the content would be too risky, but told me their marketing team said there is a market for it, and it will definitely sell. I was very happy and grateful I had this positive feedback from a company with 35 experience.
  • They were interested in publishing my next 2 books, after Asexual Guide To Sex, and years ago it would be my Author/Writer dream to have a traditional company publisher my book, but now I want to build my own book publishing business and get my Quirky Books imprint portfolio increased. I have no desire to work for someone else, when I am so super successful at publishing my own style of books, in my own voice. Raw, real, authentic.

I just need to write more books and focus on having an actual book publishing business and stop going off on tangents with things that have nothing to do with writing, publishing, promoting and selling, more books, because people keep telling me you can’t earn a full-time living from writing books alone – which simply isn’t true, because others are doing it, so why can’t I? Remember what Ray Edwards said, he said to: never be influenced by those who say you can’t do something, influence yourself enough to know you can.

So after all of the heartache and pain, and everything I have been through over the last year and more, I am so happy to now be focusing on Quirky Books as a book publishing business and accelerating my Author journey to another level entirely, and feeling much happier now I have clarity and focus on exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life and beyond. God has given me the precious gift of writing and made it my mission to write books that change lives, from pain to gain, so I am going to fulfil my destiny. He also gave me the mission to help asexuals, so by doing both it’s my ultimate bliss and happy place. I am also on my way to creating my Children’s Book publishing dream too, with immense help from the Children’s Book Creator course and the support group which comes with it. I would highly recommend it, if you want to write, illustrate, and publish your own Children’s books yourself. Although I have been working my way through the video training course, I am focused on finished my Asexual Guide To Sex book as a priority. Read more about the Children’s Book Creator course here: Calling All Would-Be Children’s Book Writer’s, Authors and Publishers – How To Write And Publish Your Own Children’s Books And Save Yourself Hundreds Of Pounds and remember, don’t let yourself be influenced by those who say you can’t do something, influence yourself enough to know you can.

Until next time, embrace your quirky and write soon

Sandra xx

When You Love With All Your Heart – Your Journey Has Just Begun! | Quirky Poetry From The Heart With Quirky Books Author Sandra Bellamy


Quirky Books Author Sandra Bellamy

When you love with all your heart,
When you dream with all your soul,
When you find happiness in the smallest of things,
When you decide to let go,
And trust, that things will be okay,
That we will see sunshine,
And happier days.

That this time may be dark,
But it’s never dull,
So we must reach inside,
And refuse to sulk.

We must begin with the end in mind,
To live in the glory and the shine,
For when we look at everything we have achieved,
Normality might have once seemed normal and a breeze,
But we all know normal is a fallacy.

So maybe this is our new normal.
And maybe it’s not,
Life is what you make it,
But this truth you forgot.

So don’t buried your head,
For you are alive,
Wake up in awe,
That you are alive,
Sit back and enjoy,
The small dreams that come to life,
The here and the now,
For time is precious and waits for no one,
In the blink of an eye,
It can be gone,
So take joy to heart,
Let misery go,
For what you reap,
You shall sow.

Reach deep in your heart,
Let love light the way,
Because my dear friend,
If you are reading this,
You have been blessed with another day.

The day is long,
The night is too,
But please keep singing,
The happy song, of YOU!

For darkness may come,
But light will always prevail,
Where there is happiness and joy,
It never fails.

So use what ever tools you can,
Make a wish and seal the plan,
To get your life, heart and joy, back on track,
Believe in yourself,
And make a pact.

For the art of self love,
Of self belief,
Doesn’t come easy,
It’s not like some freebie.

Self love,
Self belief,
It takes work,
To live for you,
To live with joy,
To find your truth,
And not be coy,
It all takes an incredible amount of time,
But what if right here and now, you decide,
To leave the biggest crime,
The crime that tells you to quit, on yourself,
It doesn’t care about your, or your self health.

The person inside who jeopardises you,
Is this biggest enemy of all to you,
So refuse to quit,
Refuse to settle,
Say thank you for sharing,
But I can do better,
I can fight for joy,
For speaking my own truth,
I can fight for self love,
Self worth, and growth.

I can fight for the kid in me,
The parent, the mother, the daddy,
The zing, zing.
I can nourish my soul,
And bring it to life,
I can be my own kid,
My own husband and wife,
Or I can choose to live a life of quirky,
I can choose to be different and throw away the key,
For at the end of the day,
There is no other,
That this beautiful, unique being, I see in the mirror, daily.

I want to tell you to rise,
To lay you soul bare,
To strip back the garbage,
To become self-aware,
I want to tell you to reach inside,
To find the courage not to hide,
Because in the end,
The only price you pay,
Is your heart, soul, and mind, each day.

Self love is amazing,
Self love is kind,
It’s the key to leaving depression behind.
It’s the key to rising more and more,
For taking your dreams and making them soar,
For being your own light amoung the grey,
For living your life, the crazy way,
For being the light in the night,
For being the calm, in your own internal fight,
It’s the thing you need most now in this world,
Now is a time of reflection,
To become that light,
To listen to your inner intuition and let it take flight.

So here’s to the kid in you,
Here’s to the unique blend, that’s called YOU!
Here’s to your goals, ambitions and dreams,
Here’s to your own stars and moonbeams,
Here’s to the things the naysayers said can’t be done,
Here’s to shining your light, your journey has just begun!

 

I hope you enjoyed this poem, if you did, please comment and give it a like and be sure to come back for more.

As always, stay quirky you and write soon.

Sandra xx

Happy 9 Year Blogging Anniversary To Quirky Books And Published Author Sandra Bellamy At Quirky Books!


9 Year Blogging anniversary

Sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader in life and say congratulations to yourself. Because if you don’t recognise your own achievements and think they are amazing, why should anyone else? Yes, I have been blogging for over 9 years on this Quirky Books blog and in 2017 I finally registered Quirky Books as my own publishing imprint. It was a very proud moment! To have my own publishing company is a dream come true. I used to always want to be traditionally published, but once I realised I can make more money and have more flexibility over the content of my books, as a self-published Author, and that my books truly change peoples’ lives and stop some people from killing themselves, I realised my life purpose is being fulfilled and I am leaving a true lasting legacy for generations to come!

Recently I had a respiratory infection and lost voice (I could only whisper), and could not do any live streaming on either of my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV or my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel. The doctor told me I must rest to get well, she was concerned that my heartbeat was faster than normal and my temperature was higher than normal. So I rested for 7 days straight. I did try to do a bit of writing on day 4 of my 7 days of antibiotics, but started to feel dizzy again, so had to stop it. My first stream was only a few hours ago on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel, since getting my voice back. The one thing I am very grateful and thankful for, if I ever lost my voice completely for good, which I would never wish to ever do, as I love talking, educating others, and have a gift for YouTube live streaming, then at least I would still be able to do my main passion and life purpose of writing, which is a huge relief!

So yeah, always live with passion and purpose in your heart and write what you want, like and love, and just be quirky you, as no one does you better xx

Until next time, stay quirky and write soon

Sandra xx

A Day In The Life Of An Asexual Author! What Does An Author Do With Their Day? #amwriting


Have you ever wondered what a published Author does with their day? What a day in the life of an Author looks like? What it entails? If so, then this video is for you! I specialise in non-fiction books for quirky niches, and have my own publishing imprint called Quirky Books! My speciality is writing books about Asexuality and being Asexual. I am asexual myself and a hugely romantic one at that. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction. It’s barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. I am romantically attracted to guys only, but not sexually.

I am currently working on my second book for asexuals (Asexual Guide To Sex – for those asexuals who are considering trying sex for the first time, and considering all the options as to whether it’s right for them or not), and I did this live stream on my Asexual channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife to explain what I do with my day. I am also currently in the middle of getting my Fibromyalgia Self-help Handbook ready for print – It’s out in Kindle already and I have interest already in my third book for asexuals, which I haven’t yet started. I have a fourth book for asexuals planned too, with more to come.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also have other exciting projects I am working on. I am letting go of some of my domains and websites that I have had for some time, to make way for new and exciting business opportunities which you won’t want to miss!

If you have got any comments or questions about being an Author, let me know in the comments below and I will do my best to help you.

As always, stay quirky and write soon!

Sandra xx

An Empty Room Is A Story Waiting To Happen – What Will You Write? #writingprompts


Empty room story quote

An empty room is a story waiting to happen and you ARE the Author of that story!

If you were to walk into that empty room right now, how would your story begin?

Write in the comments below and let’s get those creatives juices flowing and those writing prompts aplenty!

As always, stay quirky and write soon

Sandra xx

What Are The 2 Most Important Things To Do If You Want To Be A Writer?


Quote for writers abut 2 important things

So to quote Stephen King, he said that if you want to be a writer you must do these 2 things above all others:

  1. Read a lot!
  2. Write a lot!

Do you agree?

I have to say that as a reader who still reads slow in comparison to many – I cannot say I love the process of reading that much. In fact I didn’t even used to like reading for quite a long time. I am a writer, who doesn’t, or didn’t, like to read! The concept of reading a book to me is hard, but this is truer more of fiction than non-fiction, which is one of the reasons why I don’t as a general rule, read fiction. Unless it is a Children’s picture book! (I like writing those too but not had one published yet.) So I only tend to read what I like to write, which is predominantly non-fiction, and then the process of reading is not so hard for me and it is great if I am learning something!

THE most important thing for a writer to do is to practise their craft and write, and this should always be your number 1, not your number 2 priority as a writer! Your creative imagination does not need to read hundreds or thousands of other creative works, to be a writer, but it can help to improve your writing if you read and also it can help you with that all important research you may need to do, to help you with your own written piece.

Do you prefer to read or to write? Comment below because I love to read what you think!

As always, stay quirky and write soon

Sandra xx