Sandra Bellamy at my friend’s Pirate Themed 50th Birthday Party. This is what I call my Princess Dress.
Last month was my best female friend’s 50th Birthday party, on April 12th, 2019. My friend looks far younger than she is, and I am significantly younger than her. I enjoyed the party very much as Captain Jack Sparrow was there too – well a look-a-like. This guy has appeared in one of the original movies as Johnny Depp’s double in Pirates of the Caribbean, the 4th one. He has also appeared as his double in the second Fantastic Beasts movie, The Crimes Of Grindelwald. I loved having my photo taken with mr charming, he was a very good looking lookalike.
My guinea pig furry kid daughter Chestnut is dead. 4 hours after surgery for removal of ovarian cysts, she started bleeding and they could not spot where from, she was opened up again and bled to death. Horrific! I love her to bits. She was my best friend, love of my life, my companion for the most part of 4 years and a real joy to know. I have a phobia of eyes and the way they stare and look, hers were the ONLY eyes I have ever found to be truly beautiful and I was mesmerised by them and wanted to look at them.
She was only sat on my chest and in my lap less than 24 hours before she died and was gone forever, I love her so much. The pain cuts like a knife right now. How can something so beautiful, have her pretty life end this way? I was so close to her and bonded with her, as she lived in my room with me before moving to live with my parents this April, a few days before her 4th birthday, the 23rd of April, which was the day before mine. My birthday is the 24th of April and I will miss sharing my birthday next year with her, as a joint celebration. She moved to live with my parents, due to Angel being diagnosed with diabetes and my parents can inject her when I couldn’t, as I have a real fear of needles and blood. My mum is diabetic herself. The last blood test I had was over 4 years ago, as far as I can remember.
Angel also had the same operation for removal of ovarian cysts just before Chestnut did. Thankfully Angel is okay and doing well overall, despite being blind and diabetic. The vet was more concerned about her pulling through in theory, because of her being diabetic, and usually she would need more time to come around from the anaesthetic. I am glad it was not two piggies I lost. I am not sure I will get another one to go with Angel, in theory it would be nice for her, but my mum is indoors with her nearly all the time and I haven’t had much luck with my guinea pigs from the point of view many have died young and had major operations. I still think I have been successful sticking with pets many otherwise would have given up on long ago, so it is lucky I got them. I am just thinking maybe I should not have any more, but I don’t know, and as Angel now lives with my parents, it has to be a joint decision, not solely my own.
These are the very last photos I took of Chestnut (the 4th one being the very last), and these are the last YouTube videos of her from the night before she died. One video is from my Quirky Books TV channel this blog belongs to, and I have included a video of Chestnut and Angel from my other channel called Asexualise My Asexual Life, which I currently Vlog on every single day, live, since the 1st of July this year, 2018.
And this is a video explaining what happened and how Chestnut came to no longer be in this life!
It’s been tough. It is hard to think that this little life is no more, especially as there is nothing visibly wrong with her on the outside.
I said in one of these videos that the head vet was doing the operation, but he didn’t, he supervised only, and was not there when she started bleeding. The vet who did it said he had operated before on guinea pigs and was with her at the end. He said he even had 2 staff nurses monitoring them both for 2 hours.
I have an asexual meetup that I organised in my city this weekend and whilst the meetup is officially on Sunday, many of us are also meeting up the evening before at 6.30pm, for food, drink, and chat. 4/5 are staying in hotels. I am with asexuals for a total of 4 days, and one is staying in a hotel for 3 nights, who is my BFF (Best Friend Forever), and arriving in my city this afternoon – Friday! It is hard to be around people when grieving, but great to have support and distraction of people also. I have allowed myself to cry a ton as you will see from the last video above, and I hope it inspired you in some way, to let all of the grief, heartache and pain, out, because otherwise it will eat you up and I would never want that to happen to you.
Until next time, from me, and Chestnut in heaven, always stay true to who you are, embrace your quirky, and live your dreams xx
Write soon
Sandra xxxxxxxx
Bye, Bye Chestnut, I love you with all of my precious heart, mind, body and soul. Loved our cuddles and our laughs together, our love for each other, and those squeaky moments. I am so very sorry what happened to you and that I could not save you. I am sorry I decide to go through with the operation for you, but I thought it had to be done as you lost some weight. The vet said it was unusual for a guinea pig to be recovered from an operation for 4 hours and then start to bleed, usually if that ever happens it would be quite soon after so maybe there was another underlying cause, and for the loss of wight also. I said no to the autopsy as I did not want your beautiful body to have to go through being opened up again, it would never have brought you back. I am sorry you bled to death, I would never wish that on my gorgeous girl. And I am sorry for all of the teeth chattering I caused at the mention of this operation, you never did that before, 4 months ago, when the lump was going to be removed from your back and it was successful. I am sorry for the brief panic attack you had at the vets, when you knew I had to leave you for this operation, it is almost as if you knew what was going to happen and it scared you for dear life and your heart was beating so very fast and your insides moving left to right in quick succession, then by the time my mum looked in the box, you had instantly calmed down and was eating hay. Did you know Chestnut? Did you instinctively have an inkling of what would happen to you today? Because I think it seems likely you sensed it from the teeth chattering and panic attack, you have always been so bold and brave and not that bothered before; super strong.
I telepathically was connected to you when I thought you would be having the operation. I don’t know if it was 12.45 or 1.15pm, or somewhere in-between there, but for what seemed like a good 10 minutes, I felt like I was spiritually connected to you, bonded in time with our minds and souls as one. It was like I went into a trance and our brains were linked somehow. I told you to fight and be strong and you did, I just did not foresee that bleeding coming out of nowhere. But I knew that when the vet saw you the previous week he said there is an 80% chance of survival with this operation, that it was not a good sign, as the head vet had never said that to me before.
It is hard when I had to sign the consent form, sign it to say if anything goes wrong, there is no liability and therefore no one is responsible, it is one of those things, which it is, I just really wish my love, that ‘that’ thing, had never happened to you.
I love you so very much from the bottom of my beautiful soul and heart to yours. Let us dance in the moonlight of no mans land, let us take each other by paw and hand and dance you in my arms. Let us dance cheek to cheek one more time my love and lets say goodnight and stay in peace forever. I love you my best friend, I am crazy for you, I have a sacred and special bond that no one will ever break and I can remember you for the rest of my life and beyond. Until we meet again my love, close your eyes and rest, let God and/or, the powers that be now, hold you in its tender loving warmth and caress, knowing you will always be mine forever, but I have to let you go and take a rest, forever. It seems so final, like an eternity, but the truth is, it is. I love you my darling, now come back close into mummy’s cuddle, I honesty can never let you go, because you are mine forever. So stay with me a little and a lot, look down on me from heaven and shine your beautiful light for all the world to see. Your companion Angel is looking up to the night sky, thinking of where you have gone, little unaware of you never coming back. She will miss you madly, as do I. Angels always return to heaven to watch over us, and until she does that, you will always be my angel and with me, my forever guiding light. I am glad I have still got Angel, but I wish I had got you in person too, because I feels helpless right now, and I am reaching out to you. As tears flow over my face in droves, and my face burns with the scars of tears down my cheeks for hours, I will never, ever, forget you my darling furry kid daughter Chestnut, and I will love your forever more. My love for you never stops, it grows day-by-day, even when you are away. I love you now and always.
Part of me wants to say rest in peace, but the truth is, I want you to squeak from the heavens, always be true to who you are, and never let those beautiful eyes lose their sparkle. We buried you tonight, in a towel, in my mum’s garden, dad dug up some space. They wrapped you in a green towel, green is sometimes unlucky for our family, but I hope it is lucky for you in getting you a good place in heaven and in the feeling of warmth and cosiness, as your spirit transcends to heaven/that spiritual place above. I will miss your terribly. I already do. I don’t want to stop writing here and now, because I feel so very connected to you. My eyes look like a mess, but I don’t care, you would gladly lick them for me, if you were only here to do so. I can’t believe you have gone, I am still in disbelief. But your memory lives on in me and with me forever more. But you are more than just a memory to me, you are in my heart always.
Once again, I am so sorry if you saw this coming and I did not, I wish I could have stopped you dying, I really do. I was happy for the photos I took of us together, and the video of me and you. I love you Chestnut. In part this is not goodbye, because that just makes me cry, I love you my sweet one and always will forever and more. I always had in my mind until death do us part, that I would like to be with you until the very end. I am so sorry I was not in the recovery room with you when you passed your last breath, part of me felt like asking if I could be with you as you recovered, just in case anything should happen, but this was a very late thought, considering how long we were there waiting for you to come around. I can’t change back time, and I don’t know if I would have been allowed anyway, I wasn’t told you were dying, but found out you were dead. I asked the receptionist, who is having the problem with recovery and she said Chestnut. Then when the vet told me to come into the consultation room, and was carrying no piggies and I could see upset in his eye, like he had been crying, I said Chestnut is dead, and he said yes, Chestnut is dead, but how do you know that? I said the receptionist said she was the one having problems with recovery and I could see the upset in your eyes and just knew it, and then I broke down in tears, and later started to get panicky and pins and needles were in my blood drained fingers and my natural response was no doubt that my body was giving extra oxygen and blood to the heart and other vital organs, whilst having a panic attack. I was just very glad I gave both you and Angel a very big cuddle and lots of kisses before you went in for your operations, so you knew how very much mummy loves you and always will forever more xxxxxxxx I stayed with you until the allowable end and at least that was something. I love you Chestnut, mummy always loves you, forever and more, more, more. Nose rubs and kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss xxxxxxxx
On the 8th of November, this year, 2018 – something amazing happened! I was sent a congratulations on my 8th year Bloggerversary for this Quirky Books blog.
In the time I started this blog, great things have happened to me:
In 2012, I overcame depression using my Embrace Your Quirky Philosophy, which is all about being your true, authentic self, no matter what anyone else, says, thinks, or does.
In 2012, I also was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which took 6 months to come to terms with, and then I saw the blessings of it and how it truly changed my life, for the better, forever, it became my super power. Fibro is a chronic pain condition that affects the nerves and muscles of the body, you can’t usually die from it, but you can get other life threatening conditions because it can lower your immune system. Worse case is you can end up on crutches or in a wheelchair. Many people are tired with it and lack energy, I am different, because I do things differently, as you will read from my new fibro book that is coming out soon.
I completed a 14 week pattern changing course to ensure I don’t get into an abusive long-term relationship ever again.
I met HM The Queen at St James’s Palace, and spoke to her.
In 2014, I discovered I am hetero-asexual in sexual orientation, not hetero-sexual, so I am attracted to guys romantically, not sexually. I want to kiss them, not have sex with them – well the right guys, I am aesthetically attracted to younger, foreign guys, in their 20s! Asexual cougar! But not found the right asexual guy in the UK yet.
In 2017, Quirky Books became my own publishing imprint and my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, was published under Quirky Books, and cannot only be got through Amazon, but can be ordered through books stores and is in 6 libraries around the UK, including the British Library. My book will go down as part of English heritage and help tons of people for generations to come.
This year I got to be a speaker in London at the UK Asexuality Conference, on the 8th of July. It was amazing. I was part of a relationships panel discussion and also had my own 45 minute talk with Q & A, about how to arrange an asexual meetup.
I organise asexual in person meets in my city in the UK, since January 2015, and these days people come from all over the UK to them. This weekend I have another one and will be spending time with 9 asexuals on the official meetup day on Sunday 18th Nov, for a Chinese meal at Tang Shian restaurant and a 10th person will join us later for the Christmas light switching on in my city. I am meeting up with 7 of the 10, the evening before, for another meetup, and one of my asexual friends is staying in my city on Friday so I am meeting up with him and going clubbing, and him and another are staying over Sunday, so I shall see them Monday too. I love having asexual friends, happy days.
All of these 10 moments in my life have counted so much to my happiness, but there is many more I have had and many more to come, so this list is not exhaustive. Remember to make every moment count in your life, because once that moment is gone, it’s gone forever. Which reminds me that my Disneyland Paris 21st Mindset Birthday last year, was also one of the very best things to happen to me in my life, ever! So that is bonus number 11.
On the 8th of November, I also saw my furry kid daughters, which was fantastic to see them. Above are the photos I took whilst with them and I am visiting them again tomorrow, because on the 8th, they were both diagnosed with suspected ovarian cysts (Chestnut has lost some weight because of this), and both are having operations this Thursday 15th of November to remove those, so please pray they will be okay. Their hearts are strong, but it is a delicate operation for little piggies. I am really thankful the head vet who is now doing their operations, as he is experienced and the best chance they have of being okay. He was off sick and their appointment would have been tomorrow but it has been moved to Thursday so he can do it! Happy days again.
Here is a live stream I did on the 8th of Nov, of Chestnut, on my Asexualise channel.
So the day after the UK Asexuality Conference, I went to London Aquarium with my friend and had a fabulous time. I find the aquarium is so very peaceful and relaxing and at one with my soul, love it so much. A great place to chill.
Photos of Chestnut looking cute after her operation at the end of June, looking remarkably well, thank goodness xx She is my bestest friend and I love her implicitly. xx
These photos say a thousands words. Have you ever seen such a beautiful baby girl! She is 4, but will always be my baby girl forever! I miss her as she lives with my parents now because Angel has diabetes and I can’t inject her but my parents can. I try not to dwell on this! Everything is meant to happen for a reason.
Until next time, embrace your quirky and write soon
Sandra xx Love from me and Chestnut (and Angel) xx
These photos were taken at the National Marine Aquarium in Plymouth, UK, for my birthday! On the 24th of April, and a little over a month later I am posting them for you to admire. I love the rich and vibrant colours in these photos, what do you think?
Well today (24th of April), I get to be 21 again. See I am a huge believer in mindset being the key to success and happiness and that we get to choose:
Our mindset age.
The way we live our life.
Our own happiness.
And ultimately everything that comes from us.
For the past few years I have been getting younger in mindset and last year I decided to be 21 in mindset, and had my 21st mindset birthday in Disneyland Paris! I also had a Toy Story decorated room which made me super excited! I miss that place so much and really wished I could be back there again, it was at one with my soul and I felt totally at peace there. Lights, camera, action, noise – that makes me feel peaceful and incredibly happy, I like being different to everyone else and I enjoy noise and that type of environment. Actually it was very peaceful around the lake when walking back to my hotel on site at night. It was fabulous to be out at night and experiencing the reflection of the lights on the water and being able to walk on my own feeling very safe and happy, and that everyone there was singing from the same hymn sheet and just wanted to enjoy life and be happy and experience the magic, beauty, and wonder of it all.
If you missed my video last year of my highlights, here it is again!
For the previous two years prior to the last – so 2015/2016, I was 23 in mindset age, so I skipped a year, or rather I made a conscious decision to be 23 years for 2 years on the trot. I considered being 22 this year, but for now, I am very happy to stick with my 21st mindset that works so well for me. Oh and yes, in case you were wondering, I mostly get attracted to much younger in birth certificate age guys, in their 20s, and as one of my blogging friends Ralph has found a much younger true love and is going to be married soon, there is hope for me to find my asexual true love, but right now I am happy being single and living life to the max, whatever happens! Oh, and I don’t like marriage for me. I really am keen on my single life right now, just I am super romantic – but as I have been on more self-dates lately and got plenty to do, I am happy!
If you missed my video from Disneyland Paris 2014 trip of the elephant in the Rainforest Cafe, here it is again.
To put all your eggs in one basket or not? What do you think?
There is so much useful and helpful advice out there about not putting all your in one basket, but to get anything done it often requires focus on one thing at a time, (time blocking), to maximise productivity. So for that moment in time, you could say that it is good to put all of your eggs in that one basket. What do you think, would you agree or disagree, and why?
Have a Quirky Easter and if you don’t celebrate it, well, you could use it as another reason to have some more chocolate!! Yummy! Or a day out with the family – or just to say “Happy Easter” to those who do!
I have two wheat free, gluten free, yeast free, and every other allergen to me free, Easter Eggs! Thanks to my mum. (Love you mum xx)
Gratitude Quotes About Why It’s Important To Express Gratitude! Why It’s Good To Be Grateful!
I have learnt in my life that it’s so important to be grateful and thankful for what we have and for every lesson we learn in life. I have learnt to be happy with what I have right now in this moment and to grateful for every breath I take, and to be and feel alive. There will always be someone worse off than me and overall my life is good; fantastic; amazing. Being grateful makes me have a much more positive attitude towards life and I feel like I love living and enjoy my life so much – it’s very euphoric!
10 Reasons Why I’m Grateful!
So right now I am:
Grateful to have two beautiful daughter furry kid guinea pigs who are my life and world.
Grateful to have a mum and dad who I love very much despite their imperfections.
Grateful to have a lovely flat to rent.
Grateful to have warmth, shelter, food and friends.
Grateful I have lots of lovely things like cuddly toys, books, jewellery, sparkly things, Iron Man alarm clock – and the list goes on. I am grateful to have material things that some others don’t.
Grateful to have music to listen to and movies to watch.
Grateful to have my mobile phone, iPad, Mac, and printer – even though the latter is currently not working again!
Hugely grateful to have the gift of writing and to have 3 books published on Amazon (1 in print), and to be working on my 4th book, that will also be in print! And the gift of designing T Shirts that I sell on Amazon and Redbubble.
Grateful to be able to see, hear, smell, laugh, taste, touch, and walk.
Grateful to have been made redundant, to have some time out from employed work, and to have the opportunity to use this time to work on my dreams.
I could write an essay here. I am grateful and thankful for everything I have in my life, for everything I have ever achieved, for every lesson I have ever had and for every life journey I have ever made and will make. I am grateful to have more courage than ever before! I am grateful for the opportunities and experiences that others could only dream of. And I am grateful to have you in my life reading this blog and follow me, it is very much appreciated and so are you!
What are you grateful for? Please write in the comments below!
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