So the day after the UK Asexuality Conference, I went to London Aquarium with my friend and had a fabulous time. I find the aquarium is so very peaceful and relaxing and at one with my soul, love it so much. A great place to chill.
Photos of Chestnut looking cute after her operation at the end of June, looking remarkably well, thank goodness xx She is my bestest friend and I love her implicitly. xx
These photos say a thousands words. Have you ever seen such a beautiful baby girl! She is 4, but will always be my baby girl forever! I miss her as she lives with my parents now because Angel has diabetes and I can’t inject her but my parents can. I try not to dwell on this! Everything is meant to happen for a reason.
Until next time, embrace your quirky and write soon
Sandra xx Love from me and Chestnut (and Angel) xx
These photos were taken at the National Marine Aquarium in Plymouth, UK, for my birthday! On the 24th of April, and a little over a month later I am posting them for you to admire. I love the rich and vibrant colours in these photos, what do you think?
You Have The Power Within You was the first Motivational/Inspirational poem I have done on a LiveStream – check it out and let me know what you think in the comments below??
Everbody has the power within them to achieve great things, I always remember what Entrepreneur, Author and Speaker, Brendon Burchard say, “honour the struggle” and “your current circumstances do not dictate your future” – this is true! In 2018, I am going to be an online course trainer for myself, teaching others personal and professional development stuff, as well as getting other experts onboard – cannot wait! Super excited about that!!
I have had a lot of challenges over the past couple of months:
Redundancy from my day job of 5 years that I enjoyed (everything happens for a reason)
10 websites hacked – only just got every one of them back to some form of normality last week! ( Learnt a ton about websites security and using CPanel/File Manager, MyPHP Admin, MySQL, and more of a pro now, so hopefully it won’t happen again with the amount of security I now have in place on each site) and my completely new websites www.sandrabellamy.com and www.sandrabellamy.co.uk that I rebuilt from scratch, are looking good! Check them out and let me know what you think in the comments below please??
Split up with my first asexual boyfriend I ever had as he was no good for me and turned out not to be the loving and smitten person with me, that I thought he was! Now looking forward getting a more trustworthy guy for me and one who values my worth, or staying single forever, but hugely career focused for the next year – 2018!
Commercial printer (only printer I have, out of action for a month – finally got it working again in the last week!)
Appliance I bought was safety recalled (got a better model at no extra charge, and difference in cost with the higher insurance paid for me)
Have done no more work on Fibro book since being made redundant and I have people wanting to buy it (have connected online with more Fibro sufferers though, who may end up buying it)
I have decided to live more as ‘quirky’ me since being made redundant and sleep in the day and work throughout the night now usually – great for the soul and far more productive – If I get a ‘normal’ job it will be hard, as I love my life so much right now, in this moment, and forever – but I need money coming in! So we shall have to see what destiny holds for me. I am not afraid of hard work and do that every day almost – apart from the odd day if I see a friend! Even then, if I can squeeze work in then I will!! But next year needs to be more implementation, risk taking, and far more productive for me. Next year, will be my year to shine! Watch this space!
Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017. Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I asexual?” And, “What is Asexuality?
Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!!
The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!
Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife
I spent last weekend away at Thorpe Park Ministry Of Sound (MOS) event. Which meant a special deal of a Park Ticket for Saturday with Sunday free, accesss to late night riding on Saturday night, and the Ministry of Sound event also on Saturday night from 11-3am. Plus, a one night stay at the DoubleTree for Hilton Woking Hotel, that has a formula one car and an awesome breakfast with comfortable rooms. All for £110, which was amazing value for money. I also had to pay for some of the car parking at Thorpe Park, that was £7 a day, and give the person I went with £50 in petrol money, and buy food and snacks. I still think it was great value – despite being told I am being made redundant from my day job, only the day before; the day before the trip. Told on a Thursday and trip was on Sat. I was super excited to be going and I went on 3 rides I had never been on before, including Saw, the Swarm, and Derren Brown’s ghost train – which was why I bought the mug and it was a fantastic virtual reality experience.
Sadly, I went with a guy I was dating for almost two whole months, and his behaviour was not that of a loving, caring and attentive individual who was into me, but the opposite. Without going into everthing on here. On Saturday day, I was the one who was mostly instigating the affection. I felt ignored in the club after he initially mentioned about a meeting point if we get split up, as soon as we arrived. So it became obvious from the onset that he was not thinking about dancing together. An hour and a half later of almost being ignored in the club and I spoke to him about it, he said to me he preffered to dance on his own. He treated me like just a mate who he happened to have gone with him, both then, and the day after in the park. But my friends treat me better, because they care about me, love me, want to talk to me, and hug me just as a friend. Something happened after the club that was potentially dangerous for me too (not anything sexual – he was respectful of my asexuality and boundaries), and he told me on Saturday day not to trust him. So I broke off seeing him completely the day we got back to Exeter. I realised there were no advantages or benefits to me seeing this guy at all. Yes, I cared for him deeply, but it would seem that in the end, it was a one way street, and I would have had a better time on my own or with a friend who would appreciate me and love spending time specifically with me. So yes, I am still a bit sad but I am also glad to have got away from a situation and person who is blatantly no good for me. He, on the other hand, probably does not care. But I am a caring person and can see some good in almost anyone, but thank goodness I have seen the light.
Always remember how precious you are and so is your life and time. Remember that I love you xx
On Monday 17th of July, it was Angel’s first birthday! These photos were taken of the morning after, the night before! Chestnut, the brown piggie, is her companion and she is 3. Although I don’t think they look much different in age! What do you think?
I did a Facebook Live on the night of her birthday and she got a bit camera shy!
I have started work on my Quirky Books e-book store, which means you will be able to purchase my digital books directly from it, and it should be up and running in the next few weeks, and it will also have a blog on there too – with some of my best posts from my current blogs, including this one, AND new fresh content! To inspire you to live your best life and fulfil your writing dreams.
On Thursday this week I went to the Devon County Show on the outskirts of Exeter; which is the city where I live in Devon, in the UK.
I would say it is predominantly crafts and countryside driven. Which means there are lots of crafters around. These poppies in the picture are all hand knitted but look so real. My dad is a retired blacksmith who does regular blacksmithing courses at the same place where the Devon County Show is held. He also enters the show’s blacksmithing competitions and this year he won a prize for his poker being chosen by Sophie – the Countess Of Wessex! Who is married to Prince Edward. He also got a second and third prize for other categories.
What I love about the Devon County Show, is that it shows off so much creative talent and skills, from art, to hand made soap and fudge; to the latest in technology; to outdoor clothing, spa pools and both indoor and outdoor furniture. It really is a mixture. The show is on for 3 consequetive days and it ends today.
I loved watching the screen of the guy with the headset on. He was in outer space in a 360 immersive experience, and he had to climb a ladder on the outside of the aircraft. A guy who was 80+ years old had a go on it after this guy, and did not want to stop!!
So often crafts and technology are thought of as polar opposites; one bring artsy, the other more scientific. But both this and the other crafts, all require a great deal of creative thinking and action taking to produce the outcome. Someone still needs to create the virtual reality world. As a writer, I know what an enjoyable but sometimes painstaking experience the action taking can be. The experience of writing non-fiction, is not the painful part, but the editing, typsetting and everything else, can be tough. I am on the 3rd Typsetter for my Asexual Perspectives print version of my book!! I won’t be paying someone to format for me in ‘Latex’ in the future. #lessonlearnt