It’s not selfish to put yourself first; to love yourself, and to make you your number one priority, it’s a necessity! People seem to have it in their heads that they have to be giving as that is part of loving others, and while they have a fair point, you need to have boundaries in place and not compromise yourself out of all recognition. In fact, you DON’T have to compromise yourself, as your needs should be your priority, so you must do what is overall best for you, as you are the one who has to live with yourself day in and day out! This means you need to choose relationships and friendships that best compliment your personality, your life and lifestyle. Notice I said compliment, they don’t have to exactly match.
The thing is, if you end up giving, whilst not really living the life you want to lead, or doing anything you want to do, you will no longer feel connected to your own soul and this could have serious repercussions in your current and future relationships. You may feel resentful without meaning to be, you may feel confused about what you want, you may not know who you are!
This was me years ago, before my diagnosis of Fibro and now I come first. No more housework for a guy, if I get a boyfriend in the future. No more sex, as I now know I am asexual – not a sexual – and there are thousands of others like me around the globe! No more having to relationship compromise and put your partner first – no, I come first, if I had a partner, every single time. I live on my own, I am responsible for my bills and my rent and food in my belly, I still need to take care of me, he can look after himself, just like I can look after myself, I am a girl – not a mother and cleaner upper! This is not the conventional attitude, I know, but this is me! I don’t like cooking, cleaning and housework – and I also don’t like watching sport or TV – so I don’t! I live for me and that is fab. I also enjoy staying up until 2am or 4am in the morning. Of course I am caring, but that can be taken advantage of – so no more am I a doormat! No more do I have to think of others all the time. I have to focus on me more to be happy. And I can tell you from suffering with depression for most of my life prior to 2012, that this attitude is one that I should have adopted years ago as now I love jumping out of bed every day, even when life is tough. I love being alive, and I love life and living it my quirky and unconventional way! Do I feel a bit guilty sometimes – do I feel I will be judged as being bad and uncaring – yes, I do feel this sometimes, because I think it can sound cold and uncaring to be this way, (even though I am very kind and caring), as that is not what is traditionally expected – especially of a female! Will I change back – no, never. I am not saying I will never ever cook food for a guy, but I won’t make a habit of it, and I will set the record from the beginning my expectations. And yes, I want to remain living on my own, maybe forever. I love where I live, because I live on my own but in the middle of a house so have the best of both worlds!
So don’t ever feel selfish to self-date and take time out for you. The happier and healthier you are in your own right, the better off you will be for others. I am living proof of that. That is how I feel. I also know I can survive and thrive on life because of this. And don’t ever feel selfish living your life, your own quirky way! There is no way I would want to be at home watching TV and going to bed at a reasonable hour each day, and living a normal life – I would be so very bored, unmotivated, and feel older – I am young, quirky, 21st mindset me! The best way to be!
Always remember that I love you lots for being quirky you, and thanks always for your support and for stopping by my blog and touching my life, it means so very much xx
As always, stay quirky and write soon
Sandra xxxxxxxx
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