My guinea pig furry kid daughter Chestnut is dead. 4 hours after surgery for removal of ovarian cysts, she started bleeding and they could not spot where from, she was opened up again and bled to death. Horrific! I love her to bits. She was my best friend, love of my life, my companion for the most part of 4 years and a real joy to know. I have a phobia of eyes and the way they stare and look, hers were the ONLY eyes I have ever found to be truly beautiful and I was mesmerised by them and wanted to look at them.
She was only sat on my chest and in my lap less than 24 hours before she died and was gone forever, I love her so much. The pain cuts like a knife right now. How can something so beautiful, have her pretty life end this way? I was so close to her and bonded with her, as she lived in my room with me before moving to live with my parents this April, a few days before her 4th birthday, the 23rd of April, which was the day before mine. My birthday is the 24th of April and I will miss sharing my birthday next year with her, as a joint celebration. She moved to live with my parents, due to Angel being diagnosed with diabetes and my parents can inject her when I couldn’t, as I have a real fear of needles and blood. My mum is diabetic herself. The last blood test I had was over 4 years ago, as far as I can remember.
Angel also had the same operation for removal of ovarian cysts just before Chestnut did. Thankfully Angel is okay and doing well overall, despite being blind and diabetic. The vet was more concerned about her pulling through in theory, because of her being diabetic, and usually she would need more time to come around from the anaesthetic. I am glad it was not two piggies I lost. I am not sure I will get another one to go with Angel, in theory it would be nice for her, but my mum is indoors with her nearly all the time and I haven’t had much luck with my guinea pigs from the point of view many have died young and had major operations. I still think I have been successful sticking with pets many otherwise would have given up on long ago, so it is lucky I got them. I am just thinking maybe I should not have any more, but I don’t know, and as Angel now lives with my parents, it has to be a joint decision, not solely my own.
These are the very last photos I took of Chestnut (the 4th one being the very last), and these are the last YouTube videos of her from the night before she died. One video is from my Quirky Books TV channel this blog belongs to, and I have included a video of Chestnut and Angel from my other channel called Asexualise My Asexual Life, which I currently Vlog on every single day, live, since the 1st of July this year, 2018.
And this is a video explaining what happened and how Chestnut came to no longer be in this life!
It’s been tough. It is hard to think that this little life is no more, especially as there is nothing visibly wrong with her on the outside.
I said in one of these videos that the head vet was doing the operation, but he didn’t, he supervised only, and was not there when she started bleeding. The vet who did it said he had operated before on guinea pigs and was with her at the end. He said he even had 2 staff nurses monitoring them both for 2 hours.
I have an asexual meetup that I organised in my city this weekend and whilst the meetup is officially on Sunday, many of us are also meeting up the evening before at 6.30pm, for food, drink, and chat. 4/5 are staying in hotels. I am with asexuals for a total of 4 days, and one is staying in a hotel for 3 nights, who is my BFF (Best Friend Forever), and arriving in my city this afternoon – Friday! It is hard to be around people when grieving, but great to have support and distraction of people also. I have allowed myself to cry a ton as you will see from the last video above, and I hope it inspired you in some way, to let all of the grief, heartache and pain, out, because otherwise it will eat you up and I would never want that to happen to you.
Until next time, from me, and Chestnut in heaven, always stay true to who you are, embrace your quirky, and live your dreams xx
Bye, Bye Chestnut, I love you with all of my precious heart, mind, body and soul. Loved our cuddles and our laughs together, our love for each other, and those squeaky moments. I am so very sorry what happened to you and that I could not save you. I am sorry I decide to go through with the operation for you, but I thought it had to be done as you lost some weight. The vet said it was unusual for a guinea pig to be recovered from an operation for 4 hours and then start to bleed, usually if that ever happens it would be quite soon after so maybe there was another underlying cause, and for the loss of wight also. I said no to the autopsy as I did not want your beautiful body to have to go through being opened up again, it would never have brought you back. I am sorry you bled to death, I would never wish that on my gorgeous girl. And I am sorry for all of the teeth chattering I caused at the mention of this operation, you never did that before, 4 months ago, when the lump was going to be removed from your back and it was successful. I am sorry for the brief panic attack you had at the vets, when you knew I had to leave you for this operation, it is almost as if you knew what was going to happen and it scared you for dear life and your heart was beating so very fast and your insides moving left to right in quick succession, then by the time my mum looked in the box, you had instantly calmed down and was eating hay. Did you know Chestnut? Did you instinctively have an inkling of what would happen to you today? Because I think it seems likely you sensed it from the teeth chattering and panic attack, you have always been so bold and brave and not that bothered before; super strong.
I telepathically was connected to you when I thought you would be having the operation. I don’t know if it was 12.45 or 1.15pm, or somewhere in-between there, but for what seemed like a good 10 minutes, I felt like I was spiritually connected to you, bonded in time with our minds and souls as one. It was like I went into a trance and our brains were linked somehow. I told you to fight and be strong and you did, I just did not foresee that bleeding coming out of nowhere. But I knew that when the vet saw you the previous week he said there is an 80% chance of survival with this operation, that it was not a good sign, as the head vet had never said that to me before.
It is hard when I had to sign the consent form, sign it to say if anything goes wrong, there is no liability and therefore no one is responsible, it is one of those things, which it is, I just really wish my love, that ‘that’ thing, had never happened to you.
I love you so very much from the bottom of my beautiful soul and heart to yours. Let us dance in the moonlight of no mans land, let us take each other by paw and hand and dance you in my arms. Let us dance cheek to cheek one more time my love and lets say goodnight and stay in peace forever. I love you my best friend, I am crazy for you, I have a sacred and special bond that no one will ever break and I can remember you for the rest of my life and beyond. Until we meet again my love, close your eyes and rest, let God and/or, the powers that be now, hold you in its tender loving warmth and caress, knowing you will always be mine forever, but I have to let you go and take a rest, forever. It seems so final, like an eternity, but the truth is, it is. I love you my darling, now come back close into mummy’s cuddle, I honesty can never let you go, because you are mine forever. So stay with me a little and a lot, look down on me from heaven and shine your beautiful light for all the world to see. Your companion Angel is looking up to the night sky, thinking of where you have gone, little unaware of you never coming back. She will miss you madly, as do I. Angels always return to heaven to watch over us, and until she does that, you will always be my angel and with me, my forever guiding light. I am glad I have still got Angel, but I wish I had got you in person too, because I feels helpless right now, and I am reaching out to you. As tears flow over my face in droves, and my face burns with the scars of tears down my cheeks for hours, I will never, ever, forget you my darling furry kid daughter Chestnut, and I will love your forever more. My love for you never stops, it grows day-by-day, even when you are away. I love you now and always.
Part of me wants to say rest in peace, but the truth is, I want you to squeak from the heavens, always be true to who you are, and never let those beautiful eyes lose their sparkle. We buried you tonight, in a towel, in my mum’s garden, dad dug up some space. They wrapped you in a green towel, green is sometimes unlucky for our family, but I hope it is lucky for you in getting you a good place in heaven and in the feeling of warmth and cosiness, as your spirit transcends to heaven/that spiritual place above. I will miss your terribly. I already do. I don’t want to stop writing here and now, because I feel so very connected to you. My eyes look like a mess, but I don’t care, you would gladly lick them for me, if you were only here to do so. I can’t believe you have gone, I am still in disbelief. But your memory lives on in me and with me forever more. But you are more than just a memory to me, you are in my heart always.
Once again, I am so sorry if you saw this coming and I did not, I wish I could have stopped you dying, I really do. I was happy for the photos I took of us together, and the video of me and you. I love you Chestnut. In part this is not goodbye, because that just makes me cry, I love you my sweet one and always will forever and more. I always had in my mind until death do us part, that I would like to be with you until the very end. I am so sorry I was not in the recovery room with you when you passed your last breath, part of me felt like asking if I could be with you as you recovered, just in case anything should happen, but this was a very late thought, considering how long we were there waiting for you to come around. I can’t change back time, and I don’t know if I would have been allowed anyway, I wasn’t told you were dying, but found out you were dead. I asked the receptionist, who is having the problem with recovery and she said Chestnut. Then when the vet told me to come into the consultation room, and was carrying no piggies and I could see upset in his eye, like he had been crying, I said Chestnut is dead, and he said yes, Chestnut is dead, but how do you know that? I said the receptionist said she was the one having problems with recovery and I could see the upset in your eyes and just knew it, and then I broke down in tears, and later started to get panicky and pins and needles were in my blood drained fingers and my natural response was no doubt that my body was giving extra oxygen and blood to the heart and other vital organs, whilst having a panic attack. I was just very glad I gave both you and Angel a very big cuddle and lots of kisses before you went in for your operations, so you knew how very much mummy loves you and always will forever more xxxxxxxx I stayed with you until the allowable end and at least that was something. I love you Chestnut, mummy always loves you, forever and more, more, more. Nose rubs and kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss xxxxxxxx