Asexual Break-up! 5 Steps How to Get Over Relationship Heartbreak and Relationship Heartache!

It has been a really difficult and sad time for me lately, because on Sunday 29th of October, I had to split with my asexual boyfriend. The guy who I thought was my soulmate, and who was really kind, sweet and loving towards me, turned out not to be so nice after all, not loving me like he first did, or valuing my worth, and in fact exhibited some controlling behaviour! It is hard when you think you know someone, then find out they are not the person you thought they are and he did a good job of fooling me!! I really thought he truly and deeply cared for me, but I was mistaken. His behaviour appeared to change so quickly!

I wrote an Asexual Newsletter which you can find here, about how his behaviour changed and about some of the signs of controlling behaviour that you may want to look out for! And about how sometimes, you have to be your own hero and save yourself and get out of a relationship that is no good for you, no matter how painful it may be:

These videos were hard for me to do, after the break-up!

After my hurt and pain started to heal! Here is my advice on how to get over relationship heartbreak and heartache!

  1. Allow yourself to grieve, better out that in. Do not bottle it up!
  2. Speak to family and friends to get their support.
  3. Get your emotions out constructively and do blogging or YouTubing if you need to.
  4. Do things that are not just distracting, but that are productive and help develop you as a person!
  5. Self-date. It is fantastic for your soul!

What other tips would you like to share?

Write soon

Sandra xx

6 thoughts on “Asexual Break-up! 5 Steps How to Get Over Relationship Heartbreak and Relationship Heartache!

  1. Hang in there Sandra! I too have gone through those crazy baffling instances that go from amazing to nothing. It leaves me scratching my head and thinking: where did I go wrong? There is really no answer. I just try to learn the lesson and move on. You are blessed and there is a right person for you (and for me) out there.


    1. Hi Star, thanks for always being here for me, it means so very much xx I have stopped blaming myself and think he changed when I said I would not take my top off in the hotel when we meet, so maybe he was just after sexual top half stuff and after he realised he was not going to get that, especially when I had never met him in person before, he changed! Which means his love was not real in the first place and I am better of without a guy like him in my life. Once I stopped blaming myself, I was able to emotionally unhook myself from him and move on more easily than before. At least I left him sooner rather than later, something I would not have done in the past!!


  2. Hello Sandra,

    I feel so sorry for your loss, regardless of the circumstances or arrangements. Interesting that you found that he changed; “something happened” in his life, and it reflected on his behavior. I feel badly that you had to be at the receiving end of those changes.

    Hoping for better days for you,



    1. Hi K

      That you so much for much for your words of understanding, yeah, I was thinking, what happened for him to change so quickly, someone must have said something, or he took advice from someone who is not used to a loving asexual relationship, one where trust is built over time, but I think the realisation that I would not take my top off in the hotel when we finally met, seemed to be the start of that change – that was when he first when cold with me and he admitted his mind changed from that point. I have had sexual guys changed when they can’t get what they want in that way, but did not expect that from an ‘asexual’ guy and for him to be so heartless in the end. Guess he showed his true colours. Someone wrote to me privately after they saw my newsletter and her guy did a similar thing, suddenly changed from being in love, kind, caring, going to move to be with her, her dream guy, and even said some of the exact same words to her, and he became horrible, blaming, took her for granted, and unfortunately she stayed with him a lot longer. I am glad to be free of someone who exhibited controlling behaviour in the end and who did not value my worth. If he had been genuine, it could have been beautiful, but he was not being genuine and did not care about me in the end.


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